I wrote yesterday’s dispatch out by hand yesterday because I left my computer in the former banquet room of the historic Eagle Hotel. I was relieved to find it there; I would have been surprised if I hadn’t found it. Sometimes, I am able to figure out where I left something. It’s either my glasses, my wallet, or my cellphone.

I knew when I located it, on the table to the right of the side door, what I’d done, which was grab my backpack and a bag of paper bags. Once again, item number three was left behind. I seem to do best in multiples of two.

Shadow

So I set up my computer and I logged into the meeting. I felt smug because I figured this out. The meeting started out well for me – there was silence when the facilitator, after chatting a bit, asked if we had any insights. I decided to start the meeting out on a really good note and said that last night’s meeting went well because I had subliminally absorbed much of what had been said yesterday. She liked this – I think that she was relieved that someone said something.

It was downhill from there for me. I just couldn’t seem to engage with the other nonprofit professionals (this is what we are supposed to call ourselves), but I am not a nonprofit professional. I am simply an individual who found herself in a situation in which she is dealing with an overabundance of books. And I, the first one in this role, was given a title. Me being first, this has set me apart from the others because they have followed in the footsteps of others. This, to those running the show, seems to be a pretty big deal.

There are also two definitional identifiers. I have learned that in the nonprofit sector, some are staff and some are volunteers. In this group there is just one volunteer, and that volunteer is me. In an odd way, I am in a position of power because I can’t be fired. But I feel like with this group I am a curiosity, an odd mug with a chipped lip, sitting on a thrift store shelf. There is nothing remarkable about me. I am not going to be claimed, at least not in this lifetime. Now there’s a children’s book in this.

My tone, when I did speak, was strident. This is because this week, I have more work than usual to do because Pete’s away. I could feel my cohorts (another buzz word) back off when I speak.

So tomorrow my strategy is going to be to keep my mouth shut. I will not touch the unmute button.

After this meeting I went to the pool – I had no energy, so I hopped in the hot tub, hopped out, then hung out in the shallow end. My friend Cathy appeared – I talked to her for some time. Then I climbed back into the hot tub.

I came home after my pool visitation, and I got Raudi out. I also took the dogs. Now this was the high point of my day.

It is late. There’s something outside. It’s cold. I need to bundle up and go check this out.

44. February 13, 2025: Pete’s Home