As I stand at my standing desk, wondering what is going to materialize when I finally start writing. I do write for surprise, like my now deceased teacher Donald Murray advocated. If I knew what I was going to write about, I would stall like a car with no gas.

I do live dangerously in that I sometimes let the gas tank of the bookmobile run low. I do not live dangerously with writing. I let it happen. There, I am now in the thick of it.

I realized today that I used to suffer from depression. Now I suffer from anxiety. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. I cope by compartmentalizing, first doing one thing, then moving on to another. Every so often, after getting some things done, I breathe a sigh of relief. This feeling of relief is short lived because tomorrow, with its own set of challenges, looms ahead, like a dark gray storm cloud.

I got up this morning (after not sleeping much) feeling overwhelmed and wondering how I was going to get through the day. I had in part to have enough books for the volunteers to clean and stamp, which meant doing an estimation of how many books and volunteers I’d have on hand.

I went to U-Haul and got books. I figured that these, plus those I had on hand, would be enough for the estimated four volunteers. I was right. And someone had dropped off more books, so I ended up striking a balance. This is difficult because I have to think ahead.

I also went to the Palmer Rotary meeting and listened to the Rotary district governor, who was a very motivational speaker. So tonight I sent him an email asking if it might be possible to partner with the Rotary Club. Never, ever, did I ever envision that I would be doing this sort of thing.

I also spent time with Cathy, the BLBP artist in residence. We talked a great deal about the sorry state of the world. These are actually very scary times. The political climate and the climate climate are on very shaky ground right now.

I think that here, we are due for an earthquake. Western Alaska had a typhoon – Natives who lived in this area were displaced. Some have been relocated to Anchorage. So an earthquake, in our area, could displace people in Anchorage.

Tyra is doing better. Her manure is now somewhat solid, and I am not seeing a lot of water. The manure and water were separate – this scared me. This time around, I realized how much I love her and so I am going to make it known that next summer, I am going to do a trek with her and the other two horses.

I am now somewhat anxious about tomorrow. I will again have to go to U-Haul and make sure I have books for volunteers. I did get the books ready for the college Hall- O-Ween event. And I will get a hand with this.

I wrote for surprise. Must learn now how to deal with anxiety.

Next: 294. 10/31/25: Hall-O-Ween