I have always wondered what exactly one might have to do in order to become a saint. I’ve heard two miracles. Haven’t heard that one needs to have done much else. There has got to be more. Miracles alone can’t cut it. So let’s say that I get the books that are to be categorized to levitate and organize themselves, that would count as one miracle. I can’t think of what might constitute a second miracle right now, I’m too tired.

Saints most likely don’t get tired. They probably don’t fart, either. Their poop smells like perfume. And they are cheerful and loving 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Oh yeah, and they haven’t broken any commandments. These things must be givens that go hand-in-hand on the miracle front. So, if say, you can get books to

Pete and local move in the books

levitate, and as well, into the hands of those who need them, then the other things are assumed.

I might be nominated for sainthood because dang it, those damn books are going to levitate. But I won’t be accepted for sainthood because of the two-miracle clause. I’ll just be one on a list and scratched off because of that inane rule. The powers that be won’t have to bring up the givens. Too bad, that I broke seven of the ten commandments before I reached puberty.

Why should I care? I care because there should be sort of remunerative clause in regard to what saints do. Apparently, no one’s case is heard for at least 50 years after they die. Why fifty years? Who came up with this particular number? The process of becoming a saint should be revamped. If you want to be classified as a saint, you tell two friends, who saw the miracle, to go before the board and tell them what they saw. It would help to have documentation, say a video or photos. This way, the saint in question would get the benefit of the doubt, plenty of accolades, and perhaps a small stipend, just enough to pay for food and bottled water.

In my case, money would actually be preferable to the traditional sainthood route because it would be immediate. Being a volunteer truly sucks. Being a paid employee also gives one a certain cache. I have a bad chocolate habit. Pete, who earns a steady paycheck is supporting this habit. I would like to support my own habit.

Today I categorized many, many books. Then Pete and I took two dozen books to the temporary homeless women’s shelter in Anchorage. Categorizing, it was just what needed to be done. Distributing, it was affirming.

Saint Alys. I don’t know if there was one. I am not going to be the first. I’m not going to be the last.

But hey, I now have a self-designated title, one that is apt and most fitting. I am now Little Amazon. I have, in my short tenure ship as THE Bright Lights Book Project Proprietor, done as a saint might do, and moved heaven and earth in an attempt to make sure that the masses have something to read.

Next: 85. 3/26/20: A Conversation with Tyra