Rebound material – this is what I call it when someone who’s been dumped or has recently left someone takes up with another. It never works out because the one who has just parted company with their loved one always has big time baggage. There is also rebound material in relation to writing. I’d like to put a more positive definition on the definition, as in, rebounding after a setback.

Yesterday was a huge setback for me. I find it hard to understand why University of Alaska Press Acquisitions Editor James Engelhardt lead me on for two years, that he continued to act like my proposal had merit, when quite clearly, he knew that it did not. He had to have known this; after all, it’s this gatekeeper’s job to aye and nay proposals. Am I angry? Bitter? Upset? Confused? Dazed? Hurt? Demoralized? Pissed off. Yeah, I’m all of the above right now. I guess I’m rebound material, above definition #1.

I think that subconsciously I knew that this was going to happen, and in hopes of protecting myself from further feelings of inadequacy and self-despair I began working on Lessons Twice Learned. Now normally, after something this colossal (there I got to use this word again), I generally give up writing for a while. But because I’m in the thick of this project, I had at it again today.

It helps considerably that Pete’s back from CA. He got home from California very late last night. This morning he resumed doing what he does, mainly doing housework. I thought I’d done okay on the domestic front, but judging by his actions, I suspect that I got a grade of C.

So, we now have a plan. I’m going to apply for teaching jobs in the Lower 48. I feel like I stand a good chance of getting the job in Butte. I don’t know why I think this way – perhaps this is just wishful thinking.

We went for a ride today, and that raised my sagging spirits some. I rode Tinni because I wasn’t up for the challenge of riding Raudi. The weather’s continued to hold, making for okay trail conditions. We did the new loop, which added some mileage to the old. This was good for our mountain ponies.

As far as Lessons Learned goes – I now have 20 very solid pages of writing. I decided to go back to the idea of putting in sidebars, which now have a more discernable focus. Each one is now related to an idea or insight as well as a well-known equestrian writer. I have to write the first four sides bars, for the first four chapters. The ideas in the narratives and the how-to sections now seem interrelated.

Pete suggested that we work on finding a reputable publisher for Raising Raudi. So I’m going to put this on my still rather lengthy list of things to do.

So how am I now feeling? I know that rejection always continues to hurt, the degree of hurt depending on the total amount of time put into the project and the degree of outcome. This is not so simple mathematics. Bottom line: This is my life and I’m still doing what I enjoy doing. There’s a lot to be said for this.

Next: 308. 11/19/14: A Conversation with Hrimfara