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February 26, 2013: A Conversation with Ranger the Goat

Alys: Hey Ranger, How’s it going?
Ranger: Just fine.
A: You sure?
R: Now that you ask, I am really ready for winter to be over. Can you do anything about this?
A: Not really.
R: Why not?
A: Because I’m only human.
R: Is this why you only have two legs?
A: Yes.
R: I like how your breath smells. You eat a lot of almonds.
A: Ranger, I need to talk with you about something very important.
R: Are you sure you don’t want to talk to Rover? He’s in the hay shed. You accidently locked him in there.
A: No, you’re the goat.
R: Yes. And goat means Greatest Of All Time.
A: Ranger, you now have this very bad habit of rearing up and acting like you are going to head butt me.

Alys after cleaning the goat pen

R: I act like it, but I have never, ever rammed you.
A: The problem is, I know this, and you know this, but others don’t know this.
R: Well, tell them.
A: Ranger, it would be far easier for all concerned if you behaved when in the company of humans.
R: Why?
A: Because otherwise, I have an unsolvable problem. You are going to spend a part of this summer with someone else. I can’t have anyone take you on unless I know for sure you’re going to behave.
R: Where are you going?
A: Pete and I are taking Rainbow and the horse to America, and riding northward.
R: Sounds like fun. I’d like to go along. I could be a pack animal, that is if I don’t have to carry much.
A: You can’t come.
R: Why not?
A: Because they don’t allow goats to cross the border.
R: Why not do a trip here?
A: Because in the summer it’s rainy here and the trails are crapped out.
R: Too bad.
A: Too bad is right.
R: There must be a way. I’d really like to go with you.
A: This is not going to be possible. Here’s the deal. You promise to behave and I’ll find you a really good summer home, which is one where you can run around in the day and sleep in a shed at night.
R: Perhaps. I’m not going to commit to anything just yet.
A: Why are you being this way? Ever since Peaches died, you’ve been doing this rearing thing.
R: Peaches. Now that’s she gone, I’m the head animal.
A: Being the head animal doesn’t mean that you have to act like the head animal.
R: Does so.
A: Does not.
R: Does so.
A: Does not.
R: Does so.
A Does not. It’s cold out here. I need to get back inside. We are going to continue this conversation at another time. In the meantime, I want you to think hard about what I just said.
R: Sure. Are you going to give me some grain? You always give me grain before I go back in the pen. Umm, umm, corn, oats and barley. This does a growing goat good.
A: Growing?
R: Yep, soon enough, I’m going to be as big as all outdoors.
A: Then you will no longer have any reason to head butt.
R: That’s right. And once again, I’ll be Ranger, the Goat, Goat meaning. . . .
Alys and Ranger together: Greatest of All Time.

Next: 57. 2/27/13: Lost and Found