This conversation took place as the sun was cresting the nearby Chugach Range. I’d just entered the shed, and was putting hot water in the goats’ water bucket.

Peaches: It’s really cold in here this morning.

Alys: Yes it is.

Peaches: Can I come in the house?

Alys: No.

Peaches: Why not?

Alys: Because Pete won’t allow it.

Peaches: Why won’t Pete allow it?

Alys: Ask him.

Peaches: He won’t listen to me.

Me: Maybe you need to speak louder.

Peaches: B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-HHHHHHHHHH. Is that loud enough?

Alys: How about a little softer?

Peaches: B-a-a-a-a-h, B-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah, Ba-a-a-a-a-hhhhhhhhh.

Alys: That’s too soft. Forget it. Even if Pete did hear you, he wouldn’t let you in the kitchen. We’ll have to make do here. I’ll clean your pen after I finish eating my breakfast. And I’ll give you extra bedding. This will be good for your tired, old joints.

Peaches: That would be quite nice. But your letting me into the house would be far less work.

Rover: How about giving us some grain? It’s right there, behind you, in the trash can.

Alys: We’re nearly out.

Ranger: We’ll finish it off for you.

Alys: Uhhh uhhh.

Rover: I’ve been meaning to ask, where did the chickens go?

Ranger: They’re in heaven.

Peaches: No they’re not. They’re in the freezer. I saw Pete put them in there.

Ranger: And Peaches, if you don’t stop bitching, you are going to end up in the same place.

Rover: She’s too big for the freezer.

Ranger: What will they do with her when she dies?

Peaches: Nothing. I’m going straight up to heaven, and I’m going to walk through those pearly gates.

Ranger: I don’t think so. I think they’ll put the chickens in the refrigerator freezer and then stuff you in the outside freezer.

Peaches: I’d live longer, and consequently prevent this from happening, if you let me in the house.

Rover: Did you know the outer door window broke last night?

Alys: Yes, Pete pointed this out to me. I’m going to pick up the shards after I eat breakfast.

Peaches: That’s da-a-a-a-a-a-a-n-n-gerous. Let me in the house. Now.

Alys: Sorry, Pete won’t allow it.

Rover: Just stand up to him the way I stand up to the neighborhood dogs. You do it like this – you put your head down like you’re going to do a head butt, and then at the last minute rear up really tall, and come down hard on both feet, with your head high. Works like a charm.

Alys: I can’t do it. Pete would take Peaches in, and then tell me to go out and live in the pen.

Ranger: Your living in here with us would be a lot of fun. We could have sleepovers and head butt all night long.

Alys: (Appearing to give the matter some thought). I could wear my riding helmet.

Peaches: Stop this talk. You all get off topic so easily. Drives me nuts. Let me in the house.

Alys: Peaches, Leave this be. You aren’t going anywhere any time soon. I’m sorry.

Peaches: Sorry, my ass. Why don’t you put it where the sun don’t shine?

Ranger: Look. The sun’s shining.

Alys: Peaches. It’s December 22, 2012. We have just passed the solstice. Today we’ll get 30 more seconds of daylight than yesterday. Spring is in the air. Old girl, be patient.

Peaches: You don’t love me, do you?

Peaches: Yes I do. Greatest Of All Time – G-0-A-T-that’s you.

Peaches: How about you put an end to this awful wind?

Alys: I can’t do that.

Peaches: Well then let me in the house.

Rover and Ranger both: Here we go again. . . .

Next: 376. 12/23/12: Trip Sponsorship