As a child and teenager, I was one of two children. I was three years older than my sibling, a sister. I was seen as being smarter, and more temperamental. This was just a matter of perception. I have spent my entire life, that is until recently, believing what I’d been told.

The part about being smarter—my sister was the one who was thought to not be as bright; while, in reality, in some ways she was smarter. I was terrible at math, and while she was no genius, she was far more able to grasp mathematical concepts than I was. No matter, I was the one who it was believed was smarter.

The part about being more temperamental – Eleanor has always been more easy going while the phrase used to describe me was, “Not so good with people.” I now wonder, what does this mean? I did shy away from them, but it was because I was wearing this label.

Lately, I think that I’ve been holding my own around people. I do enjoy being around them more than I used to. Today, in this respect, was a good example.

It could be because I am relieved. I feared that our Friday Fundraiser would be a bust. I foresaw today that this is not going to be the case. Pete went to Anchorage and dropped off the books going to Kenya. He then went and picked up the books at Title Wave. And he also picked up the raffle tickets.

Me, I went to the Palmer Chamber Meeting – I can’t say that I looked forward to this; in fact, I dreaded this. The stigma of my, “not being good around or with people” I thought was emanating from every poor in my body.

I did just fine. I chatted with those at my table who included three bank representatives and also Amy, who is with ALP. I brightened up when Amy said that, “You have a foothold in the community.” This means that the BLBP is now a known entity. Both Pete and I have been talking with a lot of people. Perhaps I have learned to be at ease by watching and being around Pete.

In the afternoon, I worked alongside volunteers, happily. There was an incident in which I interacted with a homeless person who was confused. She was cold, so I had her wait in the former banquet room of the historic Eagle Hotel, then told her where to go – to Daybreak, a homeless navigation center – and I told her to stay there until all her items (which have been scattered all about) could be returned to her. In the past, I would have just walked away and not given this individual an assist.

Then, after all this, I went with a volunteer over to Bleeding Heart Brewery and I talked with her, then with Lawrence, our volunteer coordinator, then with two other volunteers, for close to an hour.

I did not feel uneasy about this. I guess I am making up for lost time.