I have always considered Christmas Eve to be in the evening, since eve refers to evening. But I have come to realize that it refers to the day before Christmas.

Me, my birthday eve is not the day, but the evening. Pete and I celebrated with his making chocolate chip cookies this evening. He stuck a candle in one cookie and sang happy birthday. Pete is a very considerate guy. And he has a good voice.

Today he took Ryder to Zack, our veterinarian’s, house. Zack would have come here but his mobile unit is not working. I was not there. I instead saved Pete a trip back to town by foregoing going with him and Ryder.
I had to wait all day for Pete to give me a report because he did not call. I finally figured that it couldn’t be too bad – if Zack had decided to euthanize her, well then Pete would have let me know.

Turns out I was right. Ryder has moderate lymphoma. Dr. Kaiser suggested that we put her on Prednisone, noting that it could have side effects. He, when asked, said that she has 3-6 months to live. My thinking is that we can extend her life by perhaps getting her looked over by a holistic vet, who might prescribe holistic drugs.

But 3-6 months – I’m glad he thinks this.

The question is, at what point is this, or any other animal’s quality of life, such that they are kept alive not for their sake but for the sake of the owner? I don’t want this to be the case here. I want her to go when her quality of life diminishes.

I’m glad that we got a heads up and that we can in the meantime spend time with Ryder.

And we don’t know – the drug we are giving her might work in the same way the drug we gave Tyra worked. It was a questionable drug, but it took care of her problem. My thinking was that Tyra was very healthy and that this enabled her to recover so quickly.

Still, today I felt sad when thoughts of Ryder came to mind. I hope that she realizes she is loved. And I hope that her predecessor, Signy, realized that he was also loved.

It was a very busy day today – I knew that it was going to be hectic, but this was beyond the pale. Lots of books in, lots of people coming in, and as I was wandering around and thinking that they could take books.

As I sorted through umpteen books, I thought about my dad’s bookstore and how at the day’s end he’d go home with maybe 10 or 20 dollars. Heartbreaking for him, to have a dream and having it crash like a cinderblock wall.

He did, like me, give away books. But his gifts meant more than mine because he paid for those books while mine are free. So I am not the altruist that I appear to be.