This is a line from Allen Ginsberg’s poem “America,” written in 1956. He was writing about his political work – the queer shoulder, this does refer to his homosexuality. But at the same time, his queer shoulder is his weaker shoulder, meaning he, in using this weaker shoulder, is putting more effort into what he’s doing than, say, if he was using his stronger shoulder.

This line often comes to mind. I feel like in continuing with this book project that I am more and more, putting my queer shoulder to the wheel. Like Ginsberg, I feel like there never seems to be an end to what needs to be done. Ginsberg was working hard in order to stabilize the political left. He did this in writing and publishing his poetry.

Any time I see a parent and a child reading together I know that I am on the right track. Sometimes the queer shoulder hurts. I then back off, and resume pushing harder.

No one understands why I am doing this. Neither do I. I suspect that my parents instilled in me a love of reading and intellectual pursuits, as did my teachers. All loved reading and literature.

I was mystified that first semester in which I took literature classes at The University of New Hampshire. The books that spoke to my teacher didn’t speak to me. But what did speak to me (and I now realize this), is that they loved literature and taught literature for this very same reason.

My father, who taught math, once said to me that he did not teach literature classes because he could not teach something he felt passionate about to those who lacked this passion.

I remember, at UNH, struggling to write academic literature papers about books that didn’t resonate with me. This was torture and the papers I wrote were never any good.

Ahh, but that love of literature, I maybe subconsciously picked up on this. And this is why my queer shoulder is at the wheel. Tonight we went out with friends, and at the ice cream shop, we did an informal book share. Pete probably knew this, but they did not. I thought, as everyone gave their summation – I so enjoy talking about what I’m reading and listening to others do the same. In fact, we close our board meetings with Book Share – and this is what motivates me to attend these meetings.

So today, again I put my queer shoulder to the wheel, unpacking children’s books, putting some aside for others to clean, and some for me to clean (I stamped the ones going into the literacy annex – they are bound for the Alaska State Fair). I also called people on our lists, in hopes that they will sign on and be volunteers. It was a Sunday, a nice day, I could have gone kayaking with Pete.

Now in writing this, I better understand why once again, I put my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Next: 183. 4/6/26: Memory Loss