Some days I feel very lucky. And other days I do not. Lucky. Yesterday was one of those days. I did not feel at all grounded. In fact, I felt like the world was out to get me. I know that I am not doing things right in the minds of others, and maybe with good reason. The problem is that I don’t have the charisma that others do. I also am not a good leader. And my lack of self-confidence is something that others find palatable. At least this is how I felt yesterday.

Today was better. I again felt lucky. Maybe a better word is fortunate. I don’t know how they differ. I often say to others that they would not want to be me, but then again, there are many who would want to be me.

For one thing, I have a partner who, when he is not stressed out, is very supportive, loving, and kind. There would be no book project if he was not my right hand. (I am left handed.) He takes care of the administrative stuff, which includes grant writing, the budget, and fundraising. And he supports me when I am in danger of giving in.

The nature of the beast is such that I get to handle books, thousands of books, and talk books endlessly with others. Conversations in my life now revolve around books. Every single goddamn day.

And I am never, ever short of reading material. Right now I have a bin of dog memoirs that I am chomping at the bit to read.

I also now am using my imagination in figuring out what are literacy-based curriculums. This is challenging, and in a good way. Last night I wondered where I might find worms. Today, on our way out to Pt. McKenzie, we stopped at a large sporting goods/outdoor store and discovered that they had live night crawlers. We bought them on the way home from an event out in that direction.

Tonight Pete found earthworms in the garden. And a local gardener is going to supply me with red wigglers – so I can talk about each type of worm with the children.

Okay. So all the above takes time. But I have a home that is located in relatively quiet subdivision. And I have animals, two great dogs, two great goats, three great chickens, and three wonderful horses.

I don’t have to board the horses. Sometimes I imagine them at the Sindorf Center, in stalls, and me not being able to get to them. My horses live in an enclosure and have room to move around. And I can ride or do agility with them day or night. Tonight, I took Raudi out. She’s getting in better shape now – we had several lovely canters, and always, that end walk home where we are both happy to be in one another’s company.

I’m also lucky to realize that I am lucky, or fortunate to realize that I am fortunate. Yep. I am leading a very good life right now.

Next: 155. 6/7/26: Small Talk