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July 14, 2014: A Conversation with Ranger and Rover

Alys: Hello boys, how are you doing today?

Ranger and Rover: (In near unison) Just fine.

A: Finding enough out in the yard to eat?

Rover: No.

Ranger: Yes.

A: Rover, what’s the problem?

Rover: Don’t got no problem. Just need more to eat.


Ranger: Rover, it’s I don’t have a problem.

Rover: That’s what I just said.

Ranger: That’s not what you said. You said “Don’t got no problem.” That’s grammatically incorrect.

Alys: Rover, Ranger is right.

Ranger: Rover, you keep stuffing your face the way you’ve been doing and you’ll burst.

Rover: Keep feeding me and let’s see what happens.

Ranger: He thinks he’s going to continue to expand.

Alys: Maybe he’ll head skywards and become a floating goat.

Rover: Just tie a long rope to my collar and pull me in at suppertime.

Ranger: Be forewarned: There’s nothing to eat way out there.

Rover: How do you know this?

Ranger: Because I’m a very smart goat.

Rover: How do you know this?

Ranger: Because Alys is always telling me that I’m this.

Rover: Yeah, and she’s always telling me that I’m the one that is the most affectionate.

Alys: But it’s true in both instances!

Ranger: What if you told me I’m the one who is affectionate and Ranger’s the one who is smart?

Rover: Nothing around here would change.

Ranger: Yeah, nothing around here would change.

Rover: But it needs to be said that I’m a lot smarter than you think.

Alys: Prove it.

Rover: I’ve memorized all the ingredients on the chicken feed bag and determined that Freebird and Chickaroo are not getting enough greens. This has resulted in an immune deficiency in Freebird. This is why she’s so wheezy.

Ranger: I think that Freebird’s condition is due to Alys’s using dusty hay for roost bedding.

Rover: That’s a contributing factor.

Alys: So Rover, do you want to go to veterinary school?

Ranger: Nope. Being a veterinarian. The pay’s low and the hours are long. That’s what Dr. Wellington says.

Ranger: And goats can’t go to veterinary school.

Alys: Who says?

Ranger: It’s a given.

Rover: It’s okay, just being a goat. You know what goat stands for don’t you?

Ranger: Greatest Of All Time. Hey, speaking of which, I heard you tell a visitor that you’re thinking about getting a milk goat.

Rover: I’d be up for this if she was just like Peaches. Where did Peaches go? I miss her.

Ranger: Rover, I keep telling you, she died two winters ago. She’s now in heaven

Rover: Hmmm, so I eat enough, and float skyward I’ll get to see her again.

Ranger: I don’t want another goat around here. Three’s a crowd. Right Alys?

Alys: That’s right.

Rover: But I really miss her.

Ranger: Enough. Let’s talk about what went on around here yesterday. All those horses in the yard. I never before saw anything like it. I was really afraid of that really big one that looked like Tinni.

Rover: I really liked her. Her name was Cricket. She was a very gentle horse. I would have been okay with her staying here.

Ranger: Alys calls me Ranger Danger for a reason. She’s right. Horses are dangerous animals. Look at what happened to Ryder. That little pinto over there put that yappy dog in her place. After she kicked her, it sure was quiet around here.

Rover: I talked to her about this this afternoon. She felt bad about it because Pete felt so bad. You know, she’s very fond of him.

Ranger: Yep, that dog is better, and again up to her old tricks. Focuses on me – those eyes are strange. I have never before seen anything like it. Alys, maybe you should feed her until she’s about to burst.

Ranger: And when she’s way up in the sky let go of the rope.

Rover: Ranger, that’s a dumb idea. Alys and Pete really like that dog. Just so long as she’s out when I’m in, we’re okay.

Alys: I have to get back to work. I have to go and turn some compost.

Ranger : We’d give you a hand but we don’t have thumbs.

Rover: We’ll help out by eating more grass and producing more poop.

Ranger: So you can produce more soil.

Alys: Thank you!

Rover and Ranger (in unison) tha-a-a-n-k you!

Next: 193. 7/15/14: Lessons Learned: Abandoning Fear