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November 17, 2013: Maybe, Just Maybe

This morning, as I was reading Jon Katz’s blog, a quote materialized. Katz wrote that the day before, he’d heard his wife, Maria Wulf, talking with another woman. They were having coffee together. She said “life was like a pony you grabbed by the tail, and it could slip right out of your hands just like that, and be gone in a flash and out of sight.”

I read this and stopped reading. My heart stopped, and I could not swallow. I still don’t know what to think about the fact that his quote appeared right on my computer screen. I wanted to say to Maria that THIS is what happened. Our pony slipped out of hands and was gone, in a flash, just like that, out of sight. For good. Furthermore, this was the most

horrific, awful, rotten, tragic thing that has happened to either one of us. It was, more than anything the way it happened – suddenly and with no time to inwardly prepare for it. One minute Mr. Siggi was with us, and the next he was gone for good. And nothing I can say or do will ever bring our beloved pony back.

You know, I have been lucky in life. All the things that I have wanted to do thus far I’ve done. I’ve done long hitch-hiking, bicycle, sea kayak, and horseback tours. I am lucky to have a body type that allows for this. And I’ve gotten to exercise the more creative portion of my brain in some very fun ways. I’m not done yet. But I do not have the capability of going back in time and changing what happened. None of us do. This is what makes us human, maybe in the worst sense of the word.

Sometimes, before I’m fully awake, I come to consciousness thinking that I have five horses to feed. I picture them all, Tinni and Raudi moving forward, Signy standing back, and Hrimmi moving to and fro. And I see Mr. Siggi, attempting to find his place in the fray. But then I wake up and know that there are now just four horses.

The quote is just a metaphor. It means to continue to live, continue to love, because if you don’t, you will not in that space of time live life fully. Maybe, just maybe, this is the big lesson that Mr. Siggi is trying to teach me. And maybe, just maybe, this quote has appeared because the powers that be are saying wake up – you have grasped what this means intellectually, but not emotionally. Maybe, just maybe.

Next: 237: 11/18/13: Praise Dog