Home > Dispatches >Daily Dispatches 2022 > Daily Dispatch #319

November 20, 2022: Loss

Darkness descends and my thoughts turn inward. It then becomes hard for me to live with me. I can’t seem to escape my own skin.

I mentioned having the image of all animals that have lived here with us, at Squalor Holler, me seeing them come up the driveway, all of them. Who is to argue with me and my psyche? I do believe that what we believe is what is. Those who are logical thinkers are in some ways to be pitied because their mindset is designed to doubt. Then again, they are to be admired because otherwise – I don’t know what the otherwise is – I just spent quite a bit

Rainbow and Jenna looking into the horse pen

of time standing here, attempting to figure this out and could not.

The animals coming up the driveway – it does not seem to me to be beyond the realm of possibility. Nor their leaving. The other night I saw them, all heading out, and I considered following them. I would have but then realized that I’d end up leaving the animals here, behind. This would not be fair to them.

Today Pete and I went for a ride. He rode Tyra and I rode Hrimmi. We left Raudi, who is still recovering in the large enclosure, with hay.

It was a beautiful ride – overcast, temperatures (now endurable) in the 30s, just a slight hint of a breeze. We rode all our trails, packing them down further. Shadow and Ryder had a wonderful time – Shadow bounds, sometimes nearly catching air. The two came across a porcupine. I told Pete that when I was working for a veterinarian in New Hampshire, that they charged a general fee for removing quills, and an additional per quill fee.

We needn’t have worried. Neither dog has ever seemed to have the desire to do any more than a bit of stalking. Now Rainbow (one of the animals who’d come back up the road) she would have chomped down on Mikey and gotten a mouthful of quills.

Ryder wandered off a few times. Shadow chose to stay with us.

Me, I am still stove up. My left shoulder blade hurts when I make sudden moves, or my right ankle hits the ground hard. I also can’t walk on uneven snowy surfaces. Hrimmi has at times a bouncy stride and at the moments when we weren’t in rhythm it hurt. Tyra was feeling spunky and Hrimmi would gladly have picked up the pace. I couldn’t allow for this; amazingly, she walked downhills nicely when I asked.

I hope that none of the horses that we have now follow the other animals down the driveway.

Loss. I have been quite anxious because I thought that I lost my wallet. The other day I took it out at the Sutton post office and thought that I’d left it there. I suspected that I’d have to go back there. I did not tell Pete because I have a reputation for being absent minded.

I found my wallet this afternoon, in a very obvious place. So right now, one less thing to fret about. There are many more, but I can cross this one off my list.

Next: 320. 11/21/22: You Go Grrrrrrrrrrl

Horse Care Home About Us Dispatches Trips Alys's Articles