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March 10, 2017: A Conversation with Stormy (Daniels)
Alys: Stormy, you now have a last name.
Stormy (the goat): What is it?
A: Stormy Daniels
S: I like it.
A: It has a nice ring to it.
S: Definitely roots me.
Ranger: My name, Ranger Danger roots me.
A: Stormy, I must tell you about the origins of your last name.
S: Go ahead.
A: You were named after a human lactating mama.
S: Has she had a lot of babies?
A: Not to my knowledge.
R: Does she have big udders?
A: Yes, very big udders.
R: Bring her on!
S: That’s not a nice thing to say.
A: No, that’s objectifying goats.
S: What do you mean by that?
A: Being attracted to a creature, human or goat, based exclusively on its appearance.
R: Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?
A: No. A love of the character is preferable.
A: Well, let’s say that I brought in another female goat and she would have nothing to do with you because she didn’t like your external qualities.
R: That’s hard to imagine.
Alys and Stormy at the AK State Fair
S: Let me interject a comment. Alys is saying something important here about the importance of loving one another for what we are, rather than what we appear to be.
R: Well, I do love you for what you are. You are my woman.
S: Ranger, you are a lost cause.
A: I sometimes wish Rover was still around. He would have understood what I was getting at.
R: Rover was one fine fellow.
S: I am sorry that I never got to meet him.
R: He’s buried over there, on the far side of the horse pen.
A: And his spirit is still with us.
R: As are the spirits of all those chickens.
S: No wonder it seems so crowded around here.
A: Now back to Stormy Daniels.
S: Yes back to Stormy Daniels, my namesake.
A: She slept around and got paid for it.
S: And you want to name me after her?
A: I have this suspicion that Stormy Daniels is a very smart woman and is doing a good job of working the system.
S: How many pounds of milk is she giving at the height of her lactating cycle?
A: She isn’t giving milk.
R: So in that respect, she’s a useless member of the herd.
S: Absolutely useless.
A: I wouldn’t say useless.
S: No sense in having udders if you don’t produce milk. Have you ever tried to run with these things between your legs? And when they get really full, they leak.
R: I’m glad I was born male.
A: Stormy, we are hoping that you will have babies in May, and then start giving milk.
R: Babies? My sons and daughter were taken away. Are you going to get rid of Stormy’s babies?
A: What we want is one baby girl.
S: And what are you going to name her?
A: Stormy’s Squall from Squalor Holler.
S: I like it.
R: How about Stormy’s Spring Squall?
Next: 73.3/14/18: A Conversation with Tyra