Yesterday, after writing about my being administratively challenged and my inability to deal with Post-Its, I put Post-It tags on all the animals. I had a wonderful time being creative, got giddy, realized I was on to something in putting notes on the unrepentant animals. Today’s dispatch photo is of Freebird and her Post It note. She was a free range chicken in her youth. She is anything but now. She hasn’t laid an egg in years. The following conversation took place after I took the photo.
Freebird: Let me get this right – you are about to tell everyone in the world that I refuse to lay eggs.
Alys: That’s right.
FB: What business is it of anyone else’s?
A: You got a point there.
FB: Right. So you agree with me. Are you still doing to (as you would say) post it?
FB: But what about what I think?
A: You don’t think. You peck. All day long, peck, peck peck.
FB: I Peck. Therefore I am. I think. Therefore I am.
A: Where did you come up with that?
FB: From Red Hen. She studied philosophy.
FB: Yes, she could read. Someone where we used to live left a book around. She actually read it.
A: I don’t believe you.
FB: I believe. Therefore I am.
A: Do you think, peck, and believe all at once?
FB: Of course.
A: So you’re saying that I need your permission to post this photo?
FB: That’s right chickee.
A: And you are not going to give me permission?
A: I have strawberry tops here. Give me permission and I’ll give these to you.
FB: That constitutes a bribe.
A: I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done.
FB: How about you get me a buddy?
A: That’s the plan. I’m waiting for better weather.
FB: But I need the body heat now.
A: I’m concerned that you and newcomer will have space issues. I’d hate to see you drive her out into the cold.
FB: Okay. Wait until it warms up before bringing her on.
A: Is there anything else you desire?
FB: I want a new coop. One that has more light.
A: I’m waiting on asking Pete to put a skylight in your existent coop.
FB: I also need perches. Don’t have any perches.
A: How about I get you a rooster?
FB: Hell no. Roosters are trouble.
A: Do you care to elaborate?
FB: No I do not.
A: How about a kind rooster?
FB: There is no such a thing.
A: Okay. No rooster. Is there anything else you’d like?
FB: Fresh strawberry tops every day and a more varied diet. A chicken can’t live on processed feed alone. Ye-e-e-e-ch.
A: Will do. Can I post the photo?
FB: Will you give in to my demands?
A: In time.
FB: In how much time?
A: Now on the varied diet. Spring on the other demands.
FB: Gotcha chickee.
A: Stop calling me chickee.
FB: Chickee, chickee, chickee.
A: You know, if you lay an egg my Post-It note would be invalid.
FB: It isn’t going to happen. The apparatus has ceased to work.
A: The apparatus?
FB: Yes, the apparatus.
A: Well, I’ll remove the photo if the apparatus again starts to work.
FB: All right. But the way it is is the way it is.
FB: I hope that in your next life you come back as a chicken and I come back as a human being. Then you’ll really know what I’m up against.
A: Enjoy the strawberry tops. More are on the way.
Next: 75. 3/16/17: Cabin Fever