Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2014 > Daily Dispatch #242

September 11, 2014: Part 1: Obession: Defining What it is

Obsession has always been a driving force in my life. When I was young, I had to constantly remind myself that life wasn’t just about horses and riding. Then I later had to constantly remind myself that life wasn’t just about bicycles and long distance touring. Then I later had to constantly remind myself that life wasn’t just about sea kayaking and long distance paddling. Now I’ve come full circle and am now having to constantly remind myself that life isn’t just about horses, all phases, tending to them and riding them included. Oh my.

I have in recent years suspected that I have a variant form of Ausberger’s Syndrome. I say variant form because the one indicator is that I’m obsessive. I have always been of the mind that

Heart Person and Heart Dog

there are variations on a psychological theme – mine is that I have obsessive syndrome.

I have been able (without drugs even) to keep my symptoms in check. I am motivated to do so because I am fortunate to have what some lack, which is a strong sense of self-realization. My self-realization, which occurred early on in my life, was that unless I forced myself to at least act interested in what others were talking about, that my social circles would be so miniscule that I would not even be able to see them.

I’ve (over the years) tried unsuccessfully to “embrace” (hate this verb, hate having to do it) a new hobby. For a while it was photography. The problem was that I was not able to find a group of individuals who were also avid about doing this. I did join the Mat-Su Photography Club, but shortly thereafter it disbanded. So I take photos now and then, more then than now.

And this past spring, I took up knitting. The fruits of my unsuccessful labor are now sitting on the kitchen addition counter. I now see in passing two shiny green needles, a wadded pile of brown cotton knit, and a small ball of brown cotton knit. This pile is now gathering dust. It is there because I could not figure out how to pick up the stitch. Mariann (a right-handed friend) offered to give me an assist. And she did help, by untangling a few rows that I’d botched up. But because I’m left handed, she was unable to show me how to proceed.

I should again get together with Patty, who by the way is also right handed. Patty initially showed me how to knit, and in fact she put considerable time into this effort. However, I hesitate to bother her because she’s a political activist, and now tis the season. I just don’t want to take up too much of her very valuable time. (I’m not a time suck.)

The bigger problem here is my lack of time. Our place is designed to complement what we do – it’s sort of a way station for outdoors people. We come in, we grab what items we need outdoors, and we go for it. The kitchen is the center of our indoor lives because we spend more time eating than anything else. Oh yeah, we sleep, but when we sleep we are asleep. One or the other of us toss and turns, but that’s about it.

So if, say, my knitting stuff was next to a comfortable chair, and if, say, I was more sedentary, I’d be more inclined (pun intended) to knit. Must be something to this. Mariann is in a wheelchair, convalescing from a riding accident. And Patty is more of an indoor than an outdoor person.

Patty knits and crochets beautiful artistic things, like shawls, and sweaters, and doilies. Me, I arrange manure buckets in colorful patterns so a person coming up the driveway can see what I’ve been doing with my time.

I would like to get back into cartooning again. The Bacon family have been asking me when I’m again going to start drawing, and in this way bring their hopes, fears, and concerns back to life. I have responded in kind by saying “soon, soon,” to them. However, as they are realizing, sooner is actually later.

So, I continue on with my rather insular and clearly defined interest – horses. Yesterday, got all the horses out, went for a longer ride on Raudi. She was tired, so we walked quite a ways. I noticed in writing the first part of this paragraph that my typing speed picked up and the words came easily to me. Hmm, self-awareness is what’s kept this Alice from falling down the rabbit hole.

Next: 243. 9/12/14: Part II: Obsession and the Garden of Weedin’