Peaches: Why won’t Pete allow it?
Alys: Ask him.
Peaches: He won’t listen to me.
Me: Maybe you need to speak louder.
Peaches: B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-HHHHHHHHHH. Is that loud enough?
Alys: How about a little softer?
Peaches: B-a-a-a-a-h, B-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah, Ba-a-a-a-a-hhhhhhhhh.
Alys: That’s too soft. Forget it. Even if Pete did hear you, he wouldn’t let you in the kitchen. We’ll have to make do here. I’ll clean your pen after I finish eating my breakfast. And I’ll give you extra bedding. This will be good for your tired, old joints.
Peaches: That would be quite nice. But your letting me into the house would be far less work.
Rover: How about giving us some grain? It’s right there, behind you, in the trash can.
Alys: We’re nearly out.
Ranger: We’ll finish it off for you.
Alys: Uhhh uhhh.
Rover: I’ve been meaning to ask, where did the chickens go?
Ranger: They’re in heaven.
Peaches: No they’re not. They’re in the freezer. I saw Pete put them in there.
Ranger: And Peaches, if you don’t stop bitching, you are going to end up in the same place.
Rover: She’s too big for the freezer.
Ranger: What will they do with her when she dies?
Peaches: Nothing. I’m going straight up to heaven, and I’m going to walk through those pearly gates.
Ranger: I don’t think so. I think they’ll put the chickens in the refrigerator freezer and then stuff you in the outside freezer.
Peaches: I’d live longer, and consequently prevent this from happening, if you let me in the house.
Rover: Did you know the outer door window broke last night?
Alys: Yes, Pete pointed this out to me. I’m going to pick up the shards after I eat breakfast.
Peaches: That’s da-a-a-a-a-a-a-n-n-gerous. Let me in the house. Now.
Alys: Sorry, Pete won’t allow it.
Rover: Just stand up to him the way I stand up to the neighborhood dogs. You do it like this – you put your head down like you’re going to do a head butt, and then at the last minute rear up really tall, and come down hard on both feet, with your head high. Works like a charm.
Alys: I can’t do it. Pete would take Peaches in, and then tell me to go out and live in the pen.
Ranger: Your living in here with us would be a lot of fun. We could have sleepovers and head butt all night long.
Alys: (Appearing to give the matter some thought). I could wear my riding helmet.
Peaches: Stop this talk. You all get off topic so easily. Drives me nuts. Let me in the house.
Alys: Peaches, Leave this be. You aren’t going anywhere any time soon. I’m sorry.
Peaches: Sorry, my ass. Why don’t you put it where the sun don’t shine?
Ranger: Look. The sun’s shining.
Alys: Peaches. It’s December 22, 2012. We have just passed the solstice. Today we’ll get 30 more seconds of daylight than yesterday. Spring is in the air. Old girl, be patient.
Peaches: You don’t love me, do you?
Peaches: Yes I do. Greatest Of All Time – G-0-A-T-that’s you.
Peaches: How about you put an end to this awful wind?
Alys: I can’t do that.
Peaches: Well then let me in the house.
Rover and Ranger both: Here we go again. . . .
Next: 376. 12/23/12: Trip Sponsorship