The combined problem is that we’re both having a difficult time moving forward freely. Raudi first: Right now she’s clearly unhappy about something, be it physical and/or mental. She is unwilling to pick up a trot when under saddle and is resistant to going out for rides. Today she did one of her infamous 360s, nearly unseating me.
On Sunday we took her to the big horse barn, so that my friend Sharon Sandlon might help me figure out what the problem might be. We determined that it may be related to saddle fit. Raudi moved just fine when on the lunge line. However, when under saddle it was a far different story. She swished her tail and crept along and again she refused to yield to Sharon’s right leg.
Sharon, after returning her to me said “I think you’re doing a fair job with her.” She then showed me, on the ground, how to do leg yields. What I didn’t say was that Raudi knows how to do this. She’s just not doing it. Rather, I listened carefully to what Sharon had to say. In the end, we agreed that Raudi’s back may be sore, and that she would benefit from time off, body work, and a new saddle.
And then there’s me: Might it be that Raudi’s inability to move forward has something to do with issues going on in my own life? For some time, I’ve been feeling stuck, like I could not, if asked, pick up a figurative trot. This is manifested itself in many ways, the most obvious one being that I need to get Raudi a new saddle, and I need to come up with the money to pay for it. I’m not a very good shopper, and this is an impediment. And I’m not wanting to take on a shit job. However, as we all know, writing does not pay. But, it might. There is always that possibility that I’ll somehow find a larger audience for my work.
And so, I’m stuck, stuck, stuck. And Raudi’s stuck, stuck, stuck.
It’s taken me two days to write this dispatch. And so, I suspect that it’s going to take some time before Raudi and I again are moving forward.
My stuckness is actually career-related. I want to keep writing, and I would like to be teaching creative writing, but I’am now conceding that this isn’t going to happen should we continue to live here. So, I need to move on, and find a job that pays the horse bills. The most realistic option is substitute teaching.
I have been holding off on this, hoping that perhaps there might be a writing-related breakthrough. And now, this very well may be happening. Raudi’s Story is now an e-book – and it looks and reads really well. Heck, we’ve already sold four copies. That’s four copies that we would not have sold had I abandoned it when I resumed work on my version of her story.
So there is hope. What I now realize is that it may take some time before I move forward. And too, it may take some time before Raudi moves forward. The best I can do is be patient and attentive to correspondences, for in such instances, only time will tell.
Next: 352. 11/28/12: More on Moving Forward