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October 8, 2022: Blowsy

This morning I was out cleaning the horse pen, lost in my own thoughts, my own thoughts being very circular. I was thinking about what I was going to say to the members of the Bright Lights Book Project Board, mainly about the future of the project.

I happened to look to the east, where the sun had just come over the horizon. The sky was yellow and blue in color. It was so beautiful it took my breath away. I continued to work, stopping to look up and observe the changes. I then watched as the sun rose up behind the clouds, illuminating them, bright white light forming a backdrop of sorts, outlining the clouds.

My friend Becky’s ex-boyfriend said that clouds are “an event,” meaning that they aren’t tangible. I suppose that those who consider them to be tangible think that the clouds are where heaven resides. It’s actually quite easy to think this when one is in airplane, for the clouds appear to have substance.

I don’t believe that there’s a heaven because I haven’t made the Kierkegaardian leap of faith, and never will. And I don’t think that my faithless belief system is going to keep me from going to heaven if there is one.

The term life force came to mind when Tinni died. That is, his life force exited his body. I have no idea where his life force went. I do believe that as humans, the best we can do is attempt to make sense of the here and now.

I also don’t believe in hope, particularly as this relates to prayer. All prayer is, is an outpouring of hope. It’s tricky business, being in the here and now – but this is where I aspire to reside.

My happiest moments are actually when I’m in the here and now. Seeing those clouds was such an instance. Another instance, salvaging books today. A good haul, the best made me feel joyful. I really needed what I found – a book of Lost Dog posters.

And I felt if not joy, satisfaction during the Bright Lights Book Project board meeting, when I made some inroads in terms of my Bacon Family project. I am going to call my book The Bacon Family Family Scrapbook – it is going to contain individual snapshots if you will, of the Bacon Family at their best. I got this idea as I drew an illustration entitled Bacon Fat, which is of a fat bacon family member.

Seeing all the books that others have written and/or illustrated has made me think about why they got one, two, three, and more books in print. Yes, they had connections. And yes, they were at the right place at the right time. But most importantly, they believed in the value of their work.

The Bacon Family won’t go viral because viruses can kill you. Rather, they will remain a print-based entity. I don’t know exactly how I should present my work to publishers. Maybe I should find a periodical that will enable the members of Bacon family to show their best side.

I must bring home the Bacon (family).

Next: 277. 10/9/22: Down and Out in the Glenn Massey Theater

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