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September 18, 2022: Doing that which is Impossible

Every single, solitary night I attempt to go to sleep while thinking about what I must do the following day. I say attempt to go to sleep because it takes me some time to fall asleep. Then I wake with a start and resume thinking about what I must do the following day.

All that’s ahead seems like an impossibility late at night. I get extremely anxious, and like last night, fearful. I set my standards high and consequently wonder if I’m going to get whatever needs to be done in a timely fashion.

The next morning, I have some energy, and so I’m able to fight off my fear and do at least the first thing that needs to be done. Today that first thing was to head to town and arrange for a book pick-up for the Houston Senior Center.

Those who took the books were really nice people. I enjoyed talking with them.

My having the first thing done and out of the way makes it a smidgeon easier to do the second thing, because I then know there is one thing less on the list. And so the second thing on my list was go for a hike with my friend Becky. My fears were related to this being a disruption of my daily routine.

It turned out to be a good walk. Becky and I share similar values, so hiking with her is always a breath of fresh air.

Having two things done and out of the way doesn’t really make having to do the third thing any easier. This is because, like most days, it’s later in the day when my energy is starting to wane. This third thing – I was to interview my Wilderness First Responder teacher, Dorothy Adler, and thus nominate her for EMS teacher of the year.

I did interview and got background information on Dorothy. This took a half-hour to do – because it was late, writing up the draft in the comment section took another hour.

I did it. I now feel a sense of relief because I wasn’t sure at first what I was going to say.

Lastly, I had to write this dispatch. It’s always easier to write in the mornings (this as opposed to the evening), but I have no choice. My morning dispatch writing time has been subsumed (background noise please) by my chore time. At about the time in which I’d be typing away, I’m now usually milking dear Swampy.

But as is usually the case, once I got going on this dispatch it wasn’t so bad. I like how I used example to make my point. This reinforces my main idea, which is that although I’m an anxious individual, I do well at prioritizing and do get things done.

The problem is that my level of confidence does not seem to grow in relation to what I do manage to get done. The best I’ll ever be able to do is just do my best.

Next: 257. 9/19/22: Imagine

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