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May 15, 2022: Pain: Crossing the Threshold

I have done a lot of reading on the subject of pain. Up until now, this has been an abstraction since I’ve never experienced any long term pain. That is up until now. I had two teeth pulled. The second one was being reabsorbed, meaning that the bone was breaking down. It was, I think, close to my sinus cavity.

I was feeling pre-extraction what I’m feeling now, some pain, in my cheek and behind my eyes. I presumed this would go away. It is intermittent pain, particularly at night.

Birdhouse between two upstairs windows

What’s most disconcerting is the fact that I don’t know what the problem might be. I suspect that if I did, the pain would either lessen or go away. Pain and uncertainty do a waltz – they clearly enjoy being in one another’s company.

The uncertainty lies in the fact that, 1) I don’t know what is causing this pain, and 2) I don’t know how this issue is going to be resolved. I always fear the worst, and this does not help matters.

I’m glad this is happening at the onset of spring. And now it really is spring. The foliage is back on the trees and the smell of fresh earth and trees in bloom is in the air. And I am seeing robins and hearing them and as well, the sounds of other returning birds. I haven’t seen magpies lately, but the swallows are building a nest in the birdhouse outside our window.

It’s important to feed the birds, but the draw here is the abundant horsehair in the driveway. I leave it there for them to pick up.

It’s because I’m in pain that I seem to get increasingly more tired as the day goes on. So I try to get done what I want to get done early in the day. Today was a day in which I spent time with the animals. I first took Tinni around the loop, then I took the dogs for an outing on Siggi’s Trail. After, I did the same with Tyra, Raudi, and Hrimmi. By the time I was done riding Hrimmi, the sky was overcast, it was chilly, and the sky was spitting raindrops.

Those I call the “Asian pop ups” are back – these are the individuals who come and harvest the nettles and the fiddlehead ferns each year. I was really surprised to see them because the ground is barely thawed. This is the earliest that they’ve been out. Raudi was a little surprised to see them but paid them no mind.

State land, it’s there for those harvesting, ATVing, recreating, tree cutting. It’s like they are hearing the clarion call, which is “come and get it!”

I did, also, at the day’s end, go to work again. It was a good haul, there were lots of children’s books, which we were low on. I also sorted the fiction and nonfiction. All the while, I found myself hoping that a larger place in which we might store the books might materialize.

All these things kept me busy and kept me from obsessing about being in pain.

Next: 134. 5/16/22: The Inheritance Story Continues

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