Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2020 >Daily Dispatch #322
November 23, 2020: A Conversation with Shadow about the Birds and the Bees
Alys: Shadow, it’s time we had “the talk.”
Shadow: The talk?
A: Yes, “the talk.”
S: About what?
A: The birds and the bees.
S: I know all about the birds and the bees.
A: You do?
S: Yes, when I got here this place was in full bloom. There were flowers everywhere, in baskets on the porch, in the garden, by the road. And the bees, they were everywhere too. I soon learned that when I accompanied Pete into the garden, to stay clear of the beehives. The bees, some days they boiled out of there.
A: This year we had Italian bees.
S: I heard your friend and Pete’s bee mentor Bill say that the Italians are far more aggressive than the Carniolans.
A: He was right. Pete was stung several times this past summer.
S: I wisely kept my distance.
A: Shadow, the birds and the bees, in this instance, are a figure of speech.
S: A figure of speech?
A: Yes, a figure of speech.
S: I don’t have to understand this figure of speech thing, do I?
A: No. But it’s like this. The birds and the bees, this refers to your special time.
Shadow on Hrimmi
S: My special time is when we all go to sleep. I sleep on Pete’s side of the bed.
A: No, no, no. By special time I mean when all the various animals go into season.
S: Go into season?
A: Okay. Let me explain in terms you might better understand. There’s going to come a time, and I think very soon, when you are going to be receptive to spending time with other dogs.
S: Like Hades?
A: Yes, like Hades.
S: I’m always up for this.
A: Well, during the time I’m telling you about, you and Hades are going to want, very badly, to get it on.
S: Get it on?
A: Yes, get it on, meaning copulate.
A: Have sex.
S: Tyra told me how this works.
A: Thank dog.
S: And are you going to let this happen?
A: No. We don’t think that you and Hades will produce good stock.
S: Why not?
A: Because you are an Australian Shepherd and he is an American Bulldog.
S: How about you arrange for me to have sex with another Aussie?
A: This is out of the question. There are a lot of unwanted dogs in this world and we don’t want for you to produce any of them.
S: But surely, you and Pete could find them good homes.
A: This would be a gamble and it’s not one we want to take.
S: How long is my special time going to last?
A: A few weeks.
S: Then what?
A: Dr. Kaiser is going to spay you.
S: Spay me?
A: Remove your uterus.
S: I’d just as soon have it left where it is.
A: It’s going. And Dr. Kaiser is a wonderful surgeon. He’ll put you under and when you wake up, you’ll be ready to again take on the world.
S: How long will it be before I can again chase the big blue ball?
A: Most likely a week. We’ll ask Dr. Kaiser before he operates.
S: This is a lot for a seven-month old dog to think about.
A: Yes, and it’s a lot for us to think about.
S: I guess all this is what you meant when said the birds and the bees is a figure of speech.
A: Yes, this is what I meant.
Next: 323. 11/24/20: All the Animals