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December 20, 2019: A Conversation with my Inner Voice

Alys: Hello Inner voice, how are you?
Inner Voice: I’m fine. And you/
A: I’m really tired.
IV: Stands to reason. You have not been pacing yourself very well.
A: Nope.
IV: You need to do a better job of this.
A: Why?
IV: Because when you run full tilt the way you’ve been doing, you end up taking very poor care of yourself.
A: But I get the job done.
IV: That’s not the most important thing.
A: What is?
IV: Taking care of yourself.
A: Why?
IV: Because there is only one you.
A: I’m not sure there only being one of me matters much.

Bill digging for books
Bill digging for books

IV: That’s the problem. Your sense of self worth is predicated on what you do, not who you are.
A: You see this as a problem?
IV: Yes.
A: Why?
IV: Because what you do is immaterial. What you are is material.
A: I feel like we are now going around in circles here.
V: Yes, and this is your doing.
A: Well, wasn’t it impressive, at the end of the day, to have a room full of books, all cleaned and organized?
IV: It was.
A: The books would have been trashed otherwise.
IV: Yes, this is so.
A: So tomorrow they may end up in the hands of new readers.
IV: Yes.
A: On my part this was a significant accomplishment.
IV: I’d say you handled most of this task fairly well.
A: Most of this task?
IV: You did falter a bit some.
A: I know what you are talking about. I was working alone, surrounded by hundreds of books, and suddenly, a lot of help appeared.
IV: Yes, and all the sudden your situation changed.
A: Yes. One person was running around and putting books where they didn’t belong.
IV: And another was arranging them in a fashion that you didn’t intend.
A: Yes, this person was putting the books in boxes on the tables. I wanted them to be laid out on tables.
IV: Why did you think you had to have things your way?
A: Because my way made the better books more prominent.
IV: I see.
A: I don’t think you see at all.
IV: What I see is an individual struggling to remain flexible.
A: That’s right. Struggling.
IV: I know you put a lot of time into this project and you had a clear sense of how you wanted to display the material.
A: Yes I did. And though it was difficult I remained of good cheer and let things be.
IV: Do you think you made the right decision?
A: Hell no. But I finally just went with the program because we had to have all the books in place by 5 p.m.
IV: And to your credit, you did come up with a rationalization for your decision.
A: Yes I did. And it was a good one. I decided that the other person, who is a statistician, was the left brained worker. And I, who am an artist (of sorts) was the right brained worker.
IV: There were many other issues involved but for now suffice to say that you pulled this one off without there being any dissension.
A: Yes. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow. I suspect it will go just fine.
IV: Yes, it will.
A: I’m glad to have your vote of confidence.
IV: And I’m glad to have yours.

Next: 352. 12/21/19: Bright Lights on the Solstice

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