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December 17, 2019: The Script

We hear what we want to hear when people tell us things about ourselves. This then further shapes our personalities. A case in point – after I came home on Saturday, I told Pete that I’m a failure and begged and pleaded with him to tell me why this is. He would not. I even relied on example and told him what some of the things that I’d failed at were.

He was patronizing – this is what I thought. Nothing he said resonated with me until he speculated that I don’t do well when I have a script. I liked hearing this and have been thinking hard about this since.

Alys in the Box
Alys in the Box

Yes, this makes sense to me. Having to learn and having to repeat back anything verbatim has always been excruciatingly difficult for me. This could be the reason why I also did so poorly when I took the Bones for Life course. I just could not do the requisite moves.

I have this sense that I am maybe more right brained than left brained, and this is why going by a script is so difficult for me. At the same time, I start to rely on my more creative side when the going gets tough. For instance, in the EMT class, I often, in attempting to do the requisite activities, took on the role of Julia Child. Sad to say, no one laughed when I attempted to set up the oxygen tank and attach the nonrebreather mask. This, I surmised, was their loss.

The odd thing is that as I age, I’m becoming more creative. The inverse is also happening personality wise; that is, I am less apt to follow given directives.

I would, on Saturday, have given anything to have it be the opposite way. I wanted, like my peers, to be more left brained and more analytical. Some of them made passing look so easy – I so badly wanted this for me.

I do wonder if there are more creative means of teaching the required EMT scenarios. Probably not. The objection might be that if EMTs are creative on the job, they might kill someone. But making people laugh, this would not be such a bad thing. Isn’t this what the famed doctor, Patch Adams, actually did? I’m sure that in many ways, his schooling was an also uphill struggle.

So, back to what I mentioned yesterday, the same old same old. Did agility with Raudi in the morning. Didn’t go very well. My thinking is that the course being set up with all the objects close to each other (because of icy patches) was not to her liking.

And in the afternoon, I was at the recycling center, sorting books. This is going well. I have a sense of purpose, which coincides with a sense of what needs to be done. The two things are skipping down the street, side-by-side.

I did think that I was following the right path in taking the EMT class and that this would open doors. Alas, the path became too overgrown. So I am back on a few paths that are now easier to trod.

Next: 349. 12/18/19: Welcome to the Wonderful World of Work

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