Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2019 >Daily Dispatch #337
December 6, 2019: Nobody Here but Us Chickens
Alys: Seems to me that all the animals around here are upset about something. Now its your turn to speak up.
Thelma: Speak up?
Louise: Speak up?
A: Only if you want to. I can easily converse with the goats.
T: Okay, okay, we’ll speak up.
L: Speak for yourself.
T: The weather – lately it’s been the absolute shits.
L: Well said, sister.
A: Speaking of shits, I’ve been doing a good job cleaning your roost area.
L: Yes, that is so. I would like to put in a request for a nesting box here in the coop.
T: Don’t waste time asking for things we aren’t going to get.
Chicken in the compost
L: And a skylight.
T: I’m also casting a vote for a skylight.
L: How wonderful it would be, to have light streaming into our coop.
A: You have to ask the head builder.
L: Well then, that’s out.
A: How come you are both being so negative?
L: And by the way, we would like a food stamp application.
A: How do you know what food stamps are?
T: This summer, when we were living at your friend’s place, a woman came by for eggs. She was telling Sarah that she was eligible to get food stamps.
A: But what difference would this make in your lives?
L: The food stamps would be designated for me and for Thelma. You would then be able to purchase what we request.
A: Such as?
L: Organic whole grain cereal.
A: Any particular type or brand?
T: Wheaties are the breakfast of champions. They should put a rooster on the box.
A: Would you like for me to get a rooster?
T: Absolutely not.
L: No, no, no.
A: Not even one with a kind disposition?
L: There is no such thing as a rooster with a kind disposition.
T: All they ever think about is sex.
L: And they are very controlling creatures.
T: Very controlling.
A: How about another chicken or two?
T: Another hen???
L: Did you hear what she just asked us?
T: I’m not sure I heard right. She is making noises about increasing the size of our flock.
A: Only with your permission.
L: Here’s the deal. You get us a roost box and a sun roof and food stamps and we will reconsider your question.
A: Do either of you have anything positive to say?
A: Do you want me to take you back to Sarah’s place?
A: Where do you want me to take you then?
L: Someplace sunny.
T: Someplace warm.
L: Someplace with a view
T: And a huge yard with grass to roam around in.
A: Look. None of this is going to happen this winter. But come spring, I will act upon your requests.
T: All of them?
A: All but the food stamps. No food stamps for able bodied chickens. But by summer we’ll again have our own produce on hand. And then the scraps will be more abundant.
A: Raisin Bran?
Next: 338. 12/7/19: A Conversation with my Inner Voice