Being an adult really sucks. This is the conclusion that I came to today. I had been in denial about this for some time most likely because I had been clinging to my child-like ways. But now that I’m getting older, my once strong grip is lessening. I am sure that some are going to say that it’s amazing that it took this long for me to come to this realization.

When I was a child, my parents cared for me to the best of their ability. They paid my medical bills and made sure that I ate well. My father told me bedtime stories and my mother ironed my dresses. I didn’t have many worries, that is until they split up. I was eight at the time.

Then I went into that limbo state betwixt childhood and adulthood. Hard to describe – but I recall that I realized that, to a certain degree, I had to fend for myself. I still got fed and my bills got paid, and for this I was grateful.

This all ended when I went to college, for then I was on my own. My parent’s gift to me was student loans – I was aghast because I thought this was a two-way bargain. I’d get into college, and then they’d foot the bill. This didn’t happen. Yes, there were times when I had no money and ate happy hour popcorn for dinner. And I wore the same torn pair of jeans for two years.

I was then an adult, cast into a role that I would have rather put off for the rest of this lifetime. I assumed that it would all get easier, that is that I’d make it as a writer and live off my advances. It never did get any easier.

Today was pretty representative of most of my adult life. We got ahead some financially, have paid off our credit card debt. Oh good, I thought, we can now buy Pete a fat tired bicycle, something he would enjoy a great deal. But then we both realized that I have some huge dental bills coming up.

Then Pete, who is a more responsible adult than I’ll ever be, decided that he is going to have dental work done too. Oh yeah, and I need a hearing aid. And oh yeah, I will need a new car before next winter.

So no fat tired bicycle for Pete. I feel really bad about this because this is something he really deserves. I even tried to talk him into it, but he would not hear about it. Someone around here has to call the shots and that someone is Pete.

The most astonishing thing that I’ve discovered in being an adult is that life is unfair.

Next: 33. 2/2/19: Internal and External Focus