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November 12, 2019: A Conversation with Raudi

The following conversation with Raudhetta fra Alaskastadir aka Raudi, took place this afternoon in the Playground of Higher Learning

Alys: Raudi, target.
Raudi: Target, my ass.
A: What?
R: Just toss me the damn treat and let’s get on with it.
A: Get on with what?
R: Life.
A: This isn’t life?
R: No, this is a silly game, and I’m in no mood to remain a participant.
A: All I’m asking is that you go from obstacle to obstacle in a circle pattern. When you touch the target, I will continue to give you a treat.
R: Alfalfa pellets. They taste like cardboard.

Raudi on highline

A: How do you know what cardboard tastes like?
R: Cardboard. Was mixed in with the compost.
A: Why did you eat the compost?
R: Was going for the hay. In the mornings you clean the pen before you feed us. All of us, we are so hungry. If you don’t want us to eat cardboard, feed us sooner in the mornings.
A: I would like now for you to go around the buckets; they are in a weave pattern.
R: I can see that. I would like now for you to put a handful of the treats right here, in front of my front legs. Hop to it.
A: Why won’t you do what I’m asking?
R: Why won’t you do what I’m asking?
A: It seems like we have reached an impasse.
R: Look. Tyra is over there, down by the gate.
A: She’s waiting for her turn.
R: Dumb shit – really loves these games.
A: Well, I must say her attitude is better than yours these days.
R: Attitude, smatitude.
A: Geez, your ears are back, and you are switching your tail. What’s up?
R: Just gimme the treats.
A: It’s your lot in life as a pony here at Squalor Holler to sing for your supper.
R: Sing for my supper?
A: It’s a phrase, it means work for a living.
R: I remember when I was young, you talked about putting a sign on me, “Will work for Food,” and having me stand on the street corner in downtown Palmer, in front of my feed bucket.
A: Yes, I was then trying to save enough money for a new saddle.
R: Saddles, smaddles. Mine don’t fit these days. Look. I have white spots on my withers and back.
A: Yes Raudi, there seems to be some bridging going on. We are working on getting the saddle refitted.
R: You know what I think?
A: I haven’t a clue.
R: That’s the problem. You don’t have a clue. You are clueless.
A: What are you thinking?
R: I think that it’s high time we moved to a place with a lot of room for us all to roam around.
A: And then you could have a baby.
R: Amazing. You just read my mind.
A: It’s not hard.
R: Gimme another treat.
A: Okay. Have it your way.
R: Thanks. This one tastes like pocket lint
A: I’m going to get Tyra and do some agility with her.
R: A good idea, yes, this is the best idea you’ve had all day.
A: Hopefully you will be in a better mood tomorrow.
R: I have a suggestion.
A: What’s that?
R: Vary the treats. Throw in some carrots, some apples – that’ll make this game more interesting.
A: Will it improve your disposition?
R: No promises. But it couldn’t hurt.

Next: 314. 11/13/19: Heads Up

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