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October 30, 2019: Failure

I think a lot about failure. This is because I see myself as having failed in so many ways and at so many times in my life. I’ve heard said that you can’t have success without failure – Michael Jordan once noted the number of missed shots he had in games, and he added that persistence and practice lead to an equal number or more successful shots. Good for him.

I am trying now, to figure out what happened this evening. Our regular teacher was not in class. Instead, we had a differing teacher, one who was to certify us for CPR. I was certified last semester, during the wilderness first responder course. Neither this fellow nor the lab aides, both of whom had also taken the wilderness first responder course, were able to tell me if the course I was to take today would, if I passed, earn me the same certification.

This did not seem right or fair. So, I suffered through the three-hour ordeal, one that included some hands-on instruction and some video watching. The teacher said that he was going to do a five-hour course in three hours. I suspect that, generally, the certification process takes a day.


Well, there was no time for discussion. We were simply put through the motions of doing what had to be done. I kept thinking – I need a bit more time to think about some of this. I’d actually spent the morning, reading the CPR chapter in my workbook.

To add to my discomfiture – midway through, there was a video clip of a fellow who, at home, complained to his wife of having stomach pain – he went into the bathroom and in a bit, she found him on the bathroom floor. She of course called 911, but she did not administer CPR in a timely fashion. We were not told whether he lived or died. I think that what we were to get out of this was that people die if CPR is not provided in a timely fashion.

This shook me up a bit because my father died of a heart attack, right outside his bathroom door. I’m not sure how long it took the medics to get to him – it was simply his time. I wanted to talk about this, but there was not the time.

And at the evening’s end there was a test, it was administered with our being told that if we didn’t pass, we’d get to take a second test. Well, one by one, the students in my EMT class handed in their answer keys and then got their grades. Six or above was passing. Yours truly handed in her answer key last. I had gotten seven answers wrong. There was a technicality, and this was that I’d inadvertently left one answer blank. The teacher asked me the answer and I sat there, just looking at the page. I then half-guessed the answer -- this then meant that I passed with a score of six wrong.

I got the lowest grade in the class. You know, in the great scope of things, this was a pretty minor deal. As to why I did so poorly, I haven’t a clue, and this is what bothers me the most.

Next: 301. 10/31/19: In Hindsight

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