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October 9, 2019: Obsession

I suspect that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, one of the symptoms being obsession. All my life I have been this way – (in order) about horses, bicycling, sea kayaking, then horses again. I went in a circle of sorts. Writing too. I get involved in working on a project, and this is all I can think about. I suspect that some see this as being a character flaw, given that people with this or other Asperger-related traits are not part of the norm.

I do not necessarily see this as a character flaw or bad mental aberration. Being focused to the nth degree has in many ways made the world a better place. There have been so many advancements in so many areas because of this. I think, for example, that many accomplished writers, artists, and musicians have Asperger’s, to some varying degree.

Ahh, I just made an important connection. In his essay “Late Bloomers,” Malcolm Gladwell writes about those whose accomplishments come later in life. He then speculates that this is because these individuals have patrons who support late bloomers intellectually, emotionally, and economically.

Gladwell does not indicate that perhaps some late bloomers have Asperger’s Syndrome. This was his missing link. It might explain that this is why some of us are the way we are. I’m a late bloomer. I have a patron. His name is Pete. He does the necessary, but seemingly more mundane things that need to be done around here, allowing me to continue to be obsessive.

I am currently taking an EMT class. It is very time consuming and difficult. Right now, there is a memorization component. Saturday we will be evaluated on our ability to exam a patient. Pete has been pulling my side of the home-based cart as I’ve been studying, going over the trauma assessment sheet again and again and again. And he has been a model patient as I’ve attempted to put theory to practice. He said to me this morning that he is learning things too.

There is (and I have noticed this) a downside to being obsessive, and this is that in focusing on the obsessive task at hand, I tend to pay less attention to other, equally important things. For instance, right now my wallet is missing. I misplaced it because I was undoubtedly running the particulars of the sheet through my head. I have also misplaced my safety goggles. And my work area is a mess.

I will come up for air on Saturday, after the 15-minute exam. I’ll take a breather for a day or two and then start obsessing about some other upcoming EMT-related task. And when the course is over, I’ll return to obsessing about writing again.

The horses, they remain a constant obsession, in part in conversation. Pete, for example, has learned that if he wants me to be engaged in conversation, to mention them, which he does often.

I am painting a dark picture here. It would be lighter if the sun was shining. However, the sky remains overcast, and the rain continues. Time to go and find a blanket to put on Tinni who continues to hang out, outside his shelter.

Next: 280. 10/10/19: Fire on the Mountain

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