Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2019 >Daily Dispatch #254
September 14, 2019: A Conversation with Ranger and Stormy
Ranger: Hey, you, what’s going on here?
Alys: Who are you calling hey you?
Ranger: You. You see anyone else around?
Alys: Not at this moment. Hey You is rather rude. Why not address me by my name, which is Alys?
Ranger, Hey Alys, what’s going on here?
Alys: That’s sort of better.
Stormy: You will have to forgive me. He’s a wiseass.
Ranger: I’m not a wise ass. I’m a wise goat.
Alys: What makes you think you are a wise goat?
Ranger: I run the show around here.
Alys: Since when?
Ranger: Since arriving here 11 years ago.
Stormy: You, Ranger, are so full of yourself.
Alys: Enough of this. Ranger, you are delusional. But that’s okay. It adds to your character. Hey, what do you both think of the new goat barn addition?
Stormy: It’s quite nice. I think we should call it a GOATEL.
Alys: Yes, and put up a no vacancy sign.
Stormy: But there is going to be room at the inn for my babies, right?
Alys: Oh yes. Your babies are going to be very well cared for.
Ranger: When are they due?
Alys: By what I’ve been told, late October. This is correct, is it not, Stormy?
Stormy: A goat’s gestation period is approximately five months.
Alys: And when exactly did you get it on with Buckwheat?
Stormy: What kind of talk is this, “get it on with Buckwheat.”
Alys: You had sex with him in early May, right?
Stormy: I’d rather not talk about this.
Ranger: If you won’t, I will. The two got it on in early May. I saw it happen.
Alys: Thank you Ranger. Did they get it on at any other time?
Ranger: Oh yes, several times, Then it got very, very hot and no one, horse or human, felt like doing anything.
Alys: You mean that it did not cool down at night?
Ranger: Good dog know. It remained unbearably hot, all summer long.
Stormy: Chelsea and Matt were very nice. They turned on a sprinkler and we stood close by it and in this way kept cool.
Ranger: Nevertheless, I lost all my hair.
Alys: All of it.
Stormy: He was buck naked.
Alys: Very good Stormy.
Stormy: I was a writer in one of my innumerable previous lives.
Ranger: And this summer you were a slut.
Stormy: I beg your pardon.
Ranger: There. You are now pardoned.
Alys: Well, Stormy, we’ll resume milking you after you have your babies.
Stormy: Are you going to take my babies away from me?
Alys: Not right away.
Ranger: I’ve heard Pete say that the male babies will have to go to good homes.
Alys: Yes, this is what he says. I say wait and see how many offspring Stormy has, and how many of them are male or female.
Stormy: So some or all may stay.
Ranger: Been enjoying doing what you call goat agility – I feel at times like I have to work a bit too hard to get the treat, but it’s a nice diversion.
Stormy: It’s important that you know this. Agility isn’t that important to us. What’s important is that we get to spend time with you.
Ranger: Right. It’s so much fun, hanging out and browsing while you cut brush.
Alys: Well then, this is what we are going to continue to do.
Next: 255. 9/15/19: On Top of the World