Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2018 >Daily Dispatch #81

March 22, 2018: When Your Days are Your Own

This morning I bemoaned the fact that I have not, in the fifteen years we’ve lived here, even been considered for a position teaching at Mat-Su College. I presumed that when we moved here, that this would come to be. In fact, when Pete was hired the Director of the college at the time all but assured it. I have an MFA I Creative Nonfiction Writing and a PhD in Rhetoric and Composition. I also have an outstanding vita and an impressive publication list. Alas, I have not been hired.

I did apply for an upcoming position. So did two other women, internal candidates who are vying for the tenure track

position. In essence, they are being pitting against one another – not a good thing, should probably have been handled differently.

This very thought has got me to thinking that I am luckier than I have realized in that I don’t have to deal with academic drama. In fact, I am not dealing with any drama at all. It’s a given – the less time I spend amongst people, the less time I engage in the human values exchange.

An acquaintance recently sent me an email, this after I sent her an email saying I was feeling down – she then went into great detail as to why I have no friends and why I am not being considered for the job at the college. The inference was that this is what EVERYONE thinks. This wasn’t a helpful message – rather, it was an outright attack.

I realized that she was not really a friend because I didn’t have her back, meaning, I could not count on her to be supportive of me when others made these claims. Having someone’s back – I now know that this means changing the subject or defending friends when others are intent on taking them down. A valuable life lesson here, that came at my expense.

Ahh, yes, I AM lucky in that my days are my own and that I can choose to do as I please, which means (if I wish) hang out with friends or not. This means that my interactions with others are infinitely more meaningful than they would be otherwise.

Having my days be my own also means that I am responsible for my actions in terms of how I opt to spend my days. No one is telling me what to do, so I must make my own decisions. This puts the burden of responsibility on my own shoulders.

Right now, the sun is shining brightly and it’s windy. More than anything, I would like to curl up on the bed with the dog (who has decided how she wants to spend her day), read for a bit, and then take a nap. It really is tempting. But I know that if I do this, that the interview with Becky the Alaska State Fair gardener will remain unfinished. And the horses will miss a day of home schooling. And the dog will miss out on getting exercise.

These are things that must be done or else there will be consequences. And once done, there will be a sense of self-satisfaction that goes hand-in-hand with self-initiative. Today then, my mantra is going to be: I am lucky in that my days are my own.

Next: 82. 3/23/17: Homeschooling Continues

Horse Care Home About Us Dispatches Trips Alys's Articles