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February 21, 2018: A Conversation with Ranger and Stormy
Alys: Look you two, the light is coming back.
Ranger: Too bad you aren’t around to see the sunrise.
Alys: What do you mean by that?
Stormy: That you get up most mornings after the sun is up.
A: How does he know that?
R: I will answer that question directly. You get up, get dressed, come outside, let us out of the pen, and together, we go down to where the horses are.
S: He means to say that this is always after the sun comes up.
A: Not always. Yesterday and today I got up at a decent hour because I had things to do.
R: But the sun was already up.
A: That’s because the days are now longer.
S: This is a really dumb conversation.
R: I was just making a point here. . . .
A: Which is?
R: That you are very lazy individual.
A: Not so!
S: Is so.
R: Is so. You used to clean our pen every three days. Now you clean it every nine days.
A: I clean it every six days.
S: You clean it every seven or eight days.
A: Yes, I have been slipping lately. I will clean it more often.
R: The back area is a mess.
A: The back area is going to have to wait until the snow is gone because otherwise I shovel an equal amount of snow and manure into the buckets.
S: You better clean it up before I have my babies.
A: Babies? How many are you expecting to bring into the world?
A: And gender?
S: Two boys and a girl.
R: So I am going to be a father.
A: No. Phoenix is going to be the father.
S: Yes, Phoenix is going to be the father.
R: You are both wrong. I have repeatedly mated with my mate. Do you want to see how it is done?
A: I hate to tell you this, but you are not the father. The father has testicles and you do not.
R: I have the other part and this works just fine.
S: Okay Ranger, in your presence we’ll say you are the father.
A: But we are going to have to say on the registration papers that Phoenix is the father.
R: I suggest that after the babies are born, we get them DNA tested.
A: How do you know about DNA testing?
R: When I was very young there was some doubt about my father’s lineage. They had him and two other goats tested.
S: Did your father have testicles?
R: Did he ever. His scrotal sack was so large that it dragged on the ground.
S: What a stud. I would like to meet him sometime.
R: I don’t think so. He tested positive for some goat disease.
S: And what became of him?
R: He’s with Rover, his other son.
S: In heaven.
R: Yes, in heaven.
A: Well, the sun’s now shining brightly. What are you goats going to do today?
S: What we do every day around here.
R: Eat, sleep, make love. . . .
S: Ranger, dream on.
A: Yes Ranger, dream on.
Next: 53. 2/22/18: White Out