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February 3, 2018: A Conversation with Rumba and Flag (chickens) about winter

The following conversation took place this evening, as I was finishing up cleaning the goat pen and the chicken roost. I went to get Flag and Rumba who were outside sitting on their perch, which is located in the chicken pen.

Alys: Oh, you poor birds. You look like you are hanging on for dear life up there.
Rumba: We are so cold.
Flag: We are so cold.
A: You are both so cold.
R: You may as well put us in the freezer and call it good.
A: I would have to kill you both, pluck out all your feathers and then put your carcasses in boiling water.
F: Go ahead, this would put an end to our misery.

R: And misery loves company.
A: All righty, one at a time, I am putting you in the roost.
R: Roost rhymes with roast.
F: Roost rhymes with roast.
A: And roast rhymes with toast.
R: And toast rhymes with ghost.
F: Ghosts are always warm.
A: I cleaned the roost – put in fresh hay, and filled the hopper with grain. Pete will give you fresh warm water shortly.
F: Rumba, you go first.
R: Flag, you go first.
A: You are both acting like I’m sending you to the Gulag.
R: I’m trusting your better judgement.
A: Look, every evening when its cold, I put you in the roost. I put a piece of insulation in front of the door and in the mornings, I remove it so you can go back into the coop.
F: Yes, this is what you do.
R: Yes, this is what you do.
A: Yes, this is what I do.
F: But there has been all this talk about fucking plucking.
A: It’s just talk.
R: I want this winter to be over. Last winter we were at Spring Circle Farm. We lived in a heated, insulated coop.
F: Yes, with many, many other chickens.
R: Yes, with many, many other chickens.
A: Do you want me to take you back there?
F and R, same time: Nooooooooooooooooo.
F: What we want,
R: Yes, what we want,
F: Is,
R: Is,
R and F (together) is for an INSULATED coop with HEAT.
A: You will have to talk with Pete about this. I don’t think that he thinks this is going to be possible, given that it would require more heat than we have on hand.
R and F (together) We have an IDEA.
A: And what, may I ask, is your IDEA?
R: We would like
F: To trade places with you and Pete.
A: You mean?
F: For you to move out here into the coop. And for us to move into your nice warm house.
A: I have always had your best interests at heart, but I think that this is going to be a no-go.
R: Why not?
F: Why not?
A: Because neither one of you is able to bring in wood or start a fire in the woodstove.
R: You and Pete could come inside and do this for us. And you can be our guests.
A: Look. If the temps drop below zero and the wind again reaches a speed of 50 mph, I will bring you both inside. You can reside in the bathtub.
R: Promise?
F: Promise.
A: Promise. See you in the morning.
F: We’ll be in our places.
R: With bright shiny faces.

Next: 35. 2/4/18: The Ponies Converse about Reincarnation

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