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November 24, 2018: Listless

I had a run of really good, productive days. I knew, as card players do, that this would not last forever, that it was just a matter of when my luck would turn. Well, my luck turning bad coincided with a change in the weather. This morning the day dawned overcast. The sky was a flat gray, the sort that means more inclement conditions are on the way.

I finished my FEMA tests last night. This morning, I made a list of things that I needed to get done, and at breakfast I shared this list with Pete. At the top was Work on the Forks Proposal. So this is what I attempted to do. Attempted. I did not get all that far – what I wrote this morning was lackluster. I was then left with the feeling that I hadn’t accomplished anything.

Manure chores

What I revised this afternoon and evening verifies this. I am most likely setting my expectations too high. I have my fingers crossed that tomorrow morning things will fall into place and that I am able to come up with a readable, engrossing, and compelling proposal.

The latter term, “compelling” – the editor at the University of Alaska Press said when I talked to him on the phone a few months ago that my book sounded – compelling. Oh oh, I thought, I am being tossed a cliché. Shall I reach out and catch it? I have not yet decided.

A neighbor once said to me that she wished that she could do as I’m doing and stay at home and write all day. Yes, this is what I do. But writing is not as easy an endeavor as she has been led to believe. Writing is ridiculously painstaking work and the odds of finding a publisher for a more lengthy work is decreasing by the day. And there are days, like today, when it seems (afterwards) like I have gotten nothing done.

I did get outside and do agility with Tyra and Raudi. Pete could not find the camera battery charger, so we were rushed for time before the battery died. Got a so-so video of Tyra. Didn’t get one at all of Raudi. And the weather’s turning bad again.

There was a high point in this day and it was that I had a really good ride on Raudi, on our trails. Beforehand, Pete fixed my right-side stirrup, which had somehow gotten squashed so I could not get my foot into it. We also fiddled a bit with my stirrup length. After, we prepared to go for a ride, me on Raudi and Pete on Hrimmi. Beforehand, I did some body work, alternating my moves with that of the horses. I circled my hands and feet and circled their hooves in a spiral before setting them down. This work and the fixes were most likely why Raudi was so forward. She moved out on the trails and I did not discourage this because this is the way she’s supposed to be.

So there is this and that to think about. I hope that my subconscious works some on this proposal and that tomorrow it lets the conscious know changes I should make. If this does not happen, I will be screwed. I wonder if it would be possible to fire the subconscious I have and hire another.

Next: 329. 11/25/18: Better Days are Now

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