Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2018 >Daily Dispatch #218

August 6, 2018: Outcast

I tried something that worked limitedly. I vowed than then attempted to have a positive attitude all the time, an attitude that was based on love, respect, and kindness towards all, while at the same time abandoning judgement. This was quite difficult for me because I have, all my life had the opposite tendencies.

This attitude was based in the present. I would not say present tense because I attempted to be relaxed. So maybe it was present relaxed.

I did what I could. I did better than what I could. I put big X’s through negative thoughts and then broke into song. Alas, in my strategizing I left out a key variable, and this was the thoughts of others.

I realized this past three days that some people enjoy being mean spirited and nasty and spiteful. The analogy is this – they most enjoy kicking those who are down, and they use hard soled boots to do this. And so, I got kicked pretty hard these past few days. I now know not even to ever mention it to outsiders when this happens because then I appear to be the victim. The best any of us can do when in such a situation is to get up quickly, move out of the way, and carry on.

Now, as best I can figure, I put myself in a position that enabled me to be kicked. This was unknowingly. I embraced some ideas about horse training that were antithetical to this particular group. I believe that we should encourage autonomous behavior in horses and work at assisting them in owning their own movement. This was not the prevailing view at the clinic that I just attended.

At mid-day today I was told that I would not be able to attend private lessons tomorrow because they are supposed to be private. Go figure. I had hoped to see some Intrinzen training. The clinic organizers were attempting to downplay the Intrinzen work, and I, an ardent supporter, by my very presence, was championing this. So I am not only the odd one out, I am also the even one out.

The question then came, how should I handle this situation? My immediate inclination was, as it always is in such situations, to get the hell out of Dodge. Run, avoid conflict. And yes, I considered going home and telling Pete what had happened, in hopes that he would empathize. Then we’d sit around and talk smack about these lowly human beings. Slug talk, I call it.

But no, I decided to stay put and watch the afternoon lessons. It was tough, no one at all was being super friendly – the vibes were in the air. I did stick around a while and learned a great deal. But I decided to forego the last two lesson sessions mainly because I was tired. Plus friends are coming in this evening at 1 a.m. so I needed to rest up.

I decided on the very long ride home not to press the issue because there won’t be all that much Intrinzen work going on. And so, rather than grouse, I’ll put what happened behind me, knowing that there are mean spirited people out there, lurking in the shadows, and I am no longer one of them. I used to be, but I am not now. I carry sunshine in my pockets and disperse it on rainy days.

I’d be lost if I didn’t use writing to problem solve. I now feel a lot better about what happened.

Next: 219. 8/7/18: A Conversation with Ryder

Horse Care Home About Us Dispatches Trips Alys's Articles