Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2018 >Daily Dispatch #131

May 11, 2018: A Conversation with the Grrrls

Alys: Okay chickens, fess up. One of you has ceased to lay eggs.
Flag: Not I.
Rumba: Not I.
A: One of you is lying.
R: Meaning one of us is laying.
F: Lying, laying, isn’t it the same?
A: The one lying is not telling the truth.
F: I am telling the truth.
R: And I am telling the truth.
A: Well then, why are we just getting one egg a day?
F: Because one of is laying.
R: And one of us is lying.
A: Both of you know who is laying and who is lying.
R: The truth be known. . .
F: We are alternating taking a day off.

R: Yes, it is far easier this way.
F: Neither one of us is a spring chicken.
R: And yet we are both spring chickens.
F: It’s spring.
R: And we are chickens.
F: How come to be chicken means to be afraid?
A: Because many chickens ARE fearful.
R: What’s to be afraid of?
A: Hawks, cats, ermine. . .
F: The Dog.
R: I would not trust her as far as I could throw.
F: That’s a curious expression. I have yet to see a chicken throw anything.
R: Dirt flies behind me when I scratch the ground.
F: So you can throw dirt.
R: With the best of them.
F: The Dog – she comes nosing around here – if we ran she would chase us. So we both spread our wings wide and she retreats.
A: Well if you aren’t afraid of her, then you aren’t chicken.
F: I am chicken hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore. . .
R: In a previous life I was a sniper.
F: You mean you carried a gun?
R: Yes, and bullets.
F: Did you kill anyone?
R: I don’t remember.
F: How could you not remember?
R: Because afterwards I had a lobotomy.
F: Better than a bottle in front of me.
A: This is a very absurd conversation. All I wanted to know was who is slacking off on laying eggs.
F: What does it matter?
R: Yes, what does it matter?
A: Because maybe, if the right bird fesses up, I can do something about this.
R: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwk – off with my head??
A: So you, Rumba, have not been doing your job.
F: Yeah, so you Rumba, have not been doing your job.
R: Could be that I am doing my job but not fessing up so that you continue to live.
F: That’s very nice of you.
R: See? Right there, a confession of guilt.
A: I would not behead either of you. The house rule is that layers get to live out their years once they stop producing eggs.
R: The house rule should be that liars get to live out their years once they stop producing eggs.
A: Both rules apply.
R: Then the question of who is and who is not laying is a moot point.
A: I guess you are right.
F: The chicken knows.
R: And the chicken understands.

132. 5/12/18: Giddy Up

Horse Care Home About Us Dispatches Trips Alys's Articles