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April 20, 2018: The ABCs of Listing L is for listless

There you go. Two meanings for the words listless. The first is to be without a list. And the second is to be restless. Combine both definitions and you have how I felt today. I didn’t have a list and for this reason I felt restless.

What to do? El and I hit the tourist beat hard again today. We went downtown and checked out the WPA murals in the library. We checked out the Frank Lloyd Wright designed building. We got together with Pete’s sister Sara and walked both ways across the Golden Gate Bridge.

It was again another day of high intense physical activity. It would be impossible to maintain this over a week’s time. I don’t know if I said this yesterday or not, but I now prefer to go places and stay a while rather than whip around like a jackrabbit on steroids. I used to be the other way.

The prospect of taking off in just a few days from here, Sara’s place, is making me feel restless, no anxious. I start thinking about how little time I have left where I am and start feeling anxious, no restless. I wonder if others feel this way. In the meantime I am putting up a really good front, being upbeat and appearing to be relaxed. Maybe this is common to most.

Posted – another list – flit coffee – again, today, looking at food and beverage lists and map lists. No, El does not make lists. This makes her listless. I don’t think that she’s restless. She is far more high energy than I ever knew her to be. I am really impressed. I can easily keep up, but most likely could not do this over the long haul.

So what will be on my next list? I will not make a list while I am here – no need to – all we are doing tomorrow is going for a hike. Then the day after is a travel day. I might make a list (again) of what I need to get done, and start to work on it, knocking things off of it.

Maybe I should make a list of things that are making me feel restless – ie, fear of the known, fear of the unknown, concern about the future, concern about the lack of a future, apprehension about transitions, apprehension about the lack of transitions. The list is seemingly endless.

Maybe I am feeling listless because the list of items on the mentioned list is limitless. To be fearful about the future is to be fearful about something that may or may not be. It is illusory. How does one then go about living for the moment? Or rather, how does one then go about living in the moment? I get there and then I remove myself – it’s like I take a huge unexplained leap back into the world of make believe.

Ahh, tomorrow is already a better day. How about that for a concluding sentence?

Next: 111. 4/21/18: The ABC’s of Listing

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