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February 18, 2017: The Show must go on

. . . and indeed it must. But what if I decided that there wouldn’t be any show? Well then I would end up lacking the sense of self-satisfaction that comes at the end of the show, in knowing that it was a job well done.

Most things I do go well for me; in fact, this is usually the case so when they do not, I become discombobulated, making what I perceive to be bad, even worse. For example, the day before yesterday I took the driveway turn too wide and slid into a berm on the far side of the road. Oh oh. I could not even get the driver’s side door open. The Suzuki Swift is a pitifully small car, so I had to crawl out of the cockpit, and exit via the passenger side door.

This was not the end of the world; I had a hair appointment and could have cancelled it. But I treated this event like it was the end of the world. I whimpered and I moaned as I used the big scoop, and worked at removing the snow on the left hand side of the car. I finally got enough snow out of the way so that I could rock and roll the car (from the driver’s set) back and forth, meaning, I was making progress. But the car was still stuck. Thank dog a neighbor stopped and we attached a tow line to both vehicles.

Here’s the funny part. I was still whimpering and moaning and wringing my hands, like I was at a loss about what to do. I was not, but she, with cigarette dangling between her lips, had to tell me to climb in the passenger seat, start the car, and put it in gear. Now I knew what to do – I had just worked myself into enough of a tizzy so as to make it appear as though I was incompetent and witless human being.

Sometimes acting in such a way has its advantages. Affirmed, in this woman’s mind, was what she believed to be true, again, that I was witless and incompetent. This did work to my advantage in that she did take pity on me and got me unstuck. I know that I will always, in her mind, be a hapless individual – well, so be it. She started her truck. There was a tug, and a huge lurch. I was ecstatic and said all kinds of wonderful things to her. And I meant what I said.

The comparison – today Pete and I both gave presentations at the Mat-Su Horse Council. And most everything went according to plan. I got a table that faced the front door, so I made eye contact with everyone coming in. And Pete set up his computer in the room in which we were both to do our Power Point presentations.

I talked with a varied audience, some kids, about Centered Riding, Agility, TTeam training, and Body Awareness work. And after, we did some exercises. I was, in giving my presentation, scattered and not very focused. I keep thinking of how I could have done things differently. No one knows what I know, which is that I could have done a better job.

I did not, in giving the presentation, and in realizing then, that things were not going to plan, get all bent out of shape, as I did in dealing with the stuck car. Rather, I remained upbeat, confident, and self-assured. This was simply because I knew that the show must go on – and that it was my job to keep it going.

Next: 50. 2/19/17: The Writing Life/The Horse Life

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