indirect address. What I discerned is that there isn’t any apt description for men/women relations. Husband. Not apt. Refers to the guy who is charge. Spousal equivalent. Not apt. Refers to the other person on the tax form. Significant Other. Not apt. Sounds oxymoronic, as in someone is significant (close), but they are other (distant.) Partner. Not apt. Is now used in describing single-sex relations. Better Half. Not Apt. One half plus one half equals a whole. There are two of us pulling the cart. Best Friend. Not Apt. Other people in our lives also qualify for this distinction. Boyfriend. Not Apt. Man friend. A bit more apt than boyfriend.
The reason why we don’t have an appropriate term is because (of course) male/female relationships are skewed. There is no such thing as equality. Women in most ways get the shit end of the shovel. We are believed to be physically and mentally sub-par in relation to our mates. And this is never, ever going to change. Add to this, then, that thought embodies itself in language.
Pete knows about inequality and he does try to treat me like an equal. Tries. Does better than most. But the terms I use to describe our relationship to others does not convey this.
So what if I say to people, Pete is the motivator in our relationship. Motivator rhymes with terminator – both bring to mind the image of a controlling individual. Motivator, unlike the above monikers, begs for an anecdotal aside. Today’s anecdote – no, I did not want to go for a ride. The wind was blowing really hard and I was considering kicking back and continuing to read about the relationship between Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe. My rationalization was that the horses could use a break. However, I did go down to the pen and see what the weather was like. It could have been the opposite was around. I could have been the motivator, in which case we can be considered to be co-motivators.
Maybe we can have tee-shirts made that read Co-motivator 1 and Co-motivator 2.
We ARE both pulling the same cart, although sometimes one of the other of us is pulling harder than the other. And this is as far as I’ve gotten with my thoughts on this matter.
Next: 322. 11/21/17: Gathering Light