Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2017 >Daily Dispatch #270

September 30, 2017: Leaving a Tough Day Behind

We’re all just walking one another home.
Ram Dass

I am feeling depression again begin to envelope me. It’s like being in a cloud that gets darker and darker. The cloud might lift or it might stay put for several days. My depression is situational – I have to resolve the issues that preceded this, a feeling of failure and a sense that I am a complete loser.

Today was really an up and down day. The sun shone brightly – these days very unusual. It was like my birthday, which was on September 17. And like then, people came over to ride. There were five additional riders total.

We began by riding our trails, and what we call Pat and Ray’s trails. Raudi and Hrimmi did very well on these outings. Raudi was a little fidgety when we for, various reasons stopped – but this was really good practice for her. Our weak link is that we have not done enough riding with others. Those accompanying us were supposed pillars of the trail horse community. On this ride I saw them in a new light – some of the horses were somewhat reactive and not used to being out on our trail. One stepped in an old chair on Pat and Ray’s trail and skinned her rear leg. But another rode her horse over Raudi’s bridge.

Raudi went over the bridge, no problem. Hrimmi did not. I sent the others on for a short ride and I worked with her. She was truly scared. But we did make progress. And I will keep working with her on this.

Once home, we all ate lunch. One person did not get off her horse because her horse does not tie. The others were okay. Then I went to show three of the group the Playground of Higher Learning and had Tyra join me. It seemed that they could not grasp the idea of the horse acting in an autonomous fashion.

The threesome left, and two others appeared. The one leading the horse was very dictatorial – it was painful for me to watch. She kept telling the horse what to do and the horse wanted no part of this. There was no joy or exuberance. This I think was when the cloud rolled in.

Ram Dass’s quote really is apt. We (in this instance) meaning horse people are all in this together. We really do want the best for our animals. But as we get older, we become increasingly more inflexible mentally. Me too.

So, what did I learn? Well, when playing with others, do as I do with the horses, and not have an autonomous attitude. Let people do what they want to do – and encourage them to play.

I have felt in the past that I have failed and I have failed again. Perhaps I should call the Playground the School of Hard Knocks.

Tomorrow will be another day – I have now vented and can move on.

Next: 271. 10/1/17: What? Me Ride on a Beautiful Day?

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