I did not practice the later processes/exercises nor did I go over them with Pete, and this was my downfall.
The class started out okay. There were six students, and Laura and I were teachers. I began, had everyone introduce themselves, and I introduced myself. Then I did the introduction, which related to Bones for Life and Bouncing on the Heels. What I did not realize was that Shari, the instructor, was going to provide all the explanatory material. And Laura and I were to exclusively do the processes/exercises with the students. So I said too much. As for the Bouncing on the Heels exercise – I had the students use chairs because I feared that one in particular would have a hard time with this process. This decision, which was last minute, was a bad decision on my part. I learned that I was not to do this – but the feedback undermined my credibility and greatly reduced my level of confidence.
I had gotten onto the wrong foot and could not get back on the right foot. This made itself apparent to me when I literally could not rotate my pelvis around one leg – I could only do two. I was stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck. And I remained stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck. I could not get anything right.
I went for a walk with Laura at lunch. She told me to ignore Shari and focus on what I was doing. I tried to do this after lunch, but to no avail. I got a bad case of what I can only describe as stage fright – I just could not think. And Shari sat next to me, emanating impatience.
I stuck out the rest of the afternoon – Laura was the superstar, which was okay. But as soon as class was over, I high tailed it for our car, where Pete was waiting.
And as we drove away, I felt a great sense of relief, and was glad that this was over. If Shari does approach me, and if she is up for my doing a mentorship program (big ifs), it will undoubtedly be easier than being in front of a group and being on the spot.
Of course, I am depressed. I can’t push hard on any more doors. I simply no longer have the energy to do this.
Next: 227. 7/20/17: Hitting Bottom