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March 27, 2016: Hospital Dispatch #6

It’s a Good Friday, perhaps the best Good Friday ever. What if Jesus woke up from the dead and came back as a woman? Turns out she was transgendered, and the second time around decided to apply her womanly virtues to taking care of things the way a female would take care of them? Something to consider. Would make for an excellent book. There would be bathrooms – for men, women, and Jesus. Hmm, I need to think more about this idea.

Our Uncle Bob, my mother’s brother, got her late last night, El picked him up and he stayed at her place, and this morning he came to see mother. I had not seen him in forty plus years. He is now 97 years old. He was then quite large – is now a little more stoop shouldered, but he looms just as large as he did when I was four.

Mother’s face lit up when she saw him – her blue eyes sparkled. And when he walked in the door, she threw her arms wide open. His blue eyes sparkled and he immediately gave her a hug. Uncle Bob is the only close family mother has left, and vice versa. Their sisters, Peggy and Barbara are both dead, as are their parents. Uncle Bob lives in Florida and flew up here all by himself. This seemed to impress all the hospital staff.

Mother has been on the upswing, and as Mark the CNA remarked “she is walking the edge of a knife blade and it could go either way.” My metaphor is “mother isn’t out of the woods yet but is standing at the edge of the forest. She can either go into it and never return, or she can come on outside, where the rest of us are standing. It’s not good to mix metaphors but in this instance both seem apt.

No, mother may not be with us much longer and this is okay if her quality of life is adversely affected. But as El remarked yesterday “Sally knows she’s loved and will leave this earth knowing she’s loved, if that is what she decides to now do.”

Love is everything. And judgement or judging others clouds one’s judgement. This is my biggest life lesson, and it is huge. I was led to this realization by Jay and Jen, my internal martial arts instructors. Now, having had this realization, I am able to love my mother. And for some odd reason that I can’t fathom, she now appears to also be happy in my presence.

This realization is like opting to dress differently. I’m no longer used to wearing skirts and blouses and panty hose. And so, at times I find myself slipping back into my former judgmental ways of thinking. But this is true, and the truth is what sets one free.

I will be in constant contact with my mother in the time that remains. And I wish it to be this way.

To see Uncle Bob after a forty year absence is mind boggling. He’s a bit wobbly on his feet, but seems, as always, very patriarchal. He’s not primordial, like Tinni, but he has the sort of in your face presence.

I am going into the Easter holiday with joy in my heart. I feel like eating the heads off chocolate bunnies.

Next: 85. March 28, 2016: Easter as is

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