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January 8, 2016: A Conversation with Ryder

Alys: Ryder, why are you standing on Pete’s chair?
Ryder: Look. Look. Outside. There’s a moose over to the left, eating brush.
A: Is that so?
R: No, there are TWO moose!
A: A mother and her baby?
R: A big one and a little one.
A: A big mama moose and her little calf.
R: Must we do homeschooling today?
A: It’s not homeschooling, it’s on the job training.
R: Look, look, look. There they are! Both, together!
A: I see.
R: And the horses see.
A: We all see.
R: Let’s go and move them out.
A: They’re dangerous. They kick sideways. It’s called cow kicking.
R: I have a plan. Let’s go outside. You approach from the side and I’ll take up the rear.
A: Are you saying that I should put myself in a position to get kicked?
R: I don’t want to get hurt. If I get hurt, you won’t be able to chase them off. Giving chase is my responsibility. I need to stay clear so that I can get them out of here if you get nailed.
A: I can’t believe you said that.

R: It’s Border collie logic. I am born and bred to do my job. I come from Idaho cattle dog stock. No cattle here. Moose will do.
A: What about the hand that feeds you?
R: The other two legged, Pete, he’ll feed me.
A: But what if he has to take me to the hospital?
R: Patty and Ira will come and get me. Then I play with Fiona. She’s my best friend. We can both keep their moose out of their yard.
A: And what will you do in return for our very good friends?
R: Just be me.
A: Wouldn’t you miss me?
R: Look! The young one just moved. It’s coming closer!!!
A: Ryder, I just asked you a very important question.
R: Important question? Beam me up Lassie, there is no intelligent life here.
A: Lassie has gone to fetch the sheriff. Timmy just fell down the well.
R: Stupid Timmy. Stupid Lassie.
A: My question?
R: I’ll answer it later. Right now I’m on the clock.
A: Do you ever take breaks?
R: No. Do you? Let’s get on with it.
A: Get on with what?
R: Any minute now Mr. Squirrel is going to appear.
A: And what do you think we should do about that?
R: Move him out.
A: Mr. Squirrel is far too fast for you. You’ll never catch him.
R: Catching things that move is not in my job description.
A: And what is in your job description?
R: Stalk, chase.
A: And what about kill and eat?
R: I don’t kill. Got no reason to kill. I get fed here. I have my dish, the other two legged puts food in it. I gobble it down. Sometimes, if he’s not looking, I get Jenna’s and Rainbow’s food.
A: Have you any qualms about taking what is not yours?
R: No. It’s all mine. I share with them.
A: Don’t you crave variety in your diet?
R: No. Squirrel meat, yeech. A squirrel is a rodent. I heard my veterinarian say they carry rabies. Rabies kills you.
A: I hear that the hallucinations that accompany rabies can be fairly interesting.
R: No, killing and eating game is not for me.
A: There, the moose are out of sight.
R: But not out of mind. They’ll be back shortly.
A: And then?
R: You and me, we’re a team. We’ll head out and send them elsewhere.
A: We are back where we started, without even having to leave the living room.
R: You got it. We need to move them out. Let’s go.

Next: January 9, 2016: Horsemaster’s Pony Club Meeting

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