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March 19, 2016: Sidelong Glances

We are now in the midst of a spring snow squall. Ordinarily I’d say that this is great because I’m less distracted then by sunny weather, and consequently I’m able to get more work done. Not so. I’m feeling distracted – my thoughts are now all over the place. Less so because I went to chi gong class this morning, but more so because of what’s now going on.

I talked to Eleanor, my sister, a short while ago. She told me that doctor told her that my mother is soon going to die. I wanted to go down on Wednesday but Eleanor said the doctor thinks that she’ll be gone by then. So I will catch a flight down to America tomorrow morning.

In such instances, everything one is doing gets put on hold. After, one resumes what they were doing beforehand. So I’m now finishing up small tings. I’ll get the ponies out in a bit, and tonight go to the Sindorf Center and do temperature, pulse, and respiration checks on the young pony clubber’s horses. I may teach tomorrow – this will provide me with some pocket cash.

The timing is actually good. I’ve spent spring break working on various projects and I’m now either wrapping them up or have them well underway. Yesterday, I worked for a long time on the breathing essay – now it has a

workable framework. That’s the hard part in doing inductive writing.

I talked with Jay this morning, and he said that he’d be glad to give me an assist with the portion of my paper in which I deal with breathing exercises. He added that in order to provide me with information on the mounted portion that he’d need to get on a horse so that he can figure things out. This was his way of saying that he’ll give this project his all. So once the weather is better, we’ll do this.

I was going to write a shorter version of this essay for my anatomy and physiology assignment, but this morning in class (when I was supposed to be focusing on my breathing) I decided to write the entire essay and turn it in at the semester’s end. I also have a handful of small but very important administrative things to tend to. I have to file my Permanent Fund application, finish the Dressage Foundation Clinic grant application, take care of my Wellness application, and write a blurb about the publicity committee’s efforts for the Centered Riding organization. These are hoops that must be jumped through before I leave.

It may appear in reading the above that I sound very self-centered in writing about what I need to get done when my one remaining parent is dying. Well, this is my world, and right now focusing on what seem to be incidentals are enabling me to maintain. I feel like if I don’t, that I will fall off the wall, just like Humpty Dumpty. I can do what needs to be done. I must deal with death head on instead of doing as I’ve always done, which is to give it a sidelong glance. I can do this because I have to do this. This is because I am my mother’s daughter.

I am really fortunate in that I have an incredible and supportive group of friends. Of course, the best of them is Pete who is really the love of my life. I wish that he could go with me but 1, we can’t afford this, and 2, we don’t have a house sitter. So I must do this trip on my own.

Next: 78. 3/21/16: First Day of Spring

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