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March 16, 2016: Forward Whoa

I wrote the following during my writing group session with Jen and Jay Bartholomew. I ended up writing about the difficulties inherent to getting going on my home practice and Jay wrote about the difficulties inherent to getting going on getting his writing practice going. We do what we do so well, and we do what we do not so well.

A year ago I was lamenting the fact that I was feeling stuck. Little did I know that I’d soon be unstuck – it was in attending last April’s Centered Riding Clinic that the cork popped out of the bottle. And it appears to me as though the cork is now missing.

Prior to my going to California, my life was excruciatingly simple. I’d write in the mornings, ride in the afternoons, and read in the evenings. Today on the way home from Feldenkrais class, I yearned for a return to my previous lifestyle. I was stuck but well, feeling more self-assured for I was free of anxiety.

The source of my anxiety is the fact that my life and all that’s going on feels very piecemeal. I’m working on numerous new projects with a higher potential for failure. And with this kind of risk comes uncertainty. I have no ideas what the outcome of my endeavors might be.

Today, Shari (my Feldenkrais instructor) and I talked about our going to Iceland next year and organizing a group riding tour – maybe going on a roundup and camping on the way. It sounds like she’s up for a real adventure. There will be considerable work involved in this endeavor for me – and this gives me reason to pause. We also talked about doing yet another Feldenkrais workshop here in the Valley – and perhaps a riding related workshop – again, there would considerable work for involved in these endeavors for me.

And yesterday, Susan Harris and I talked more about doing the June Centered Riding/Centered Writing workshops. We, along with Mary Trafford (who lives in Quebec), might talk further, meaning perhaps Skype. More work ahead here too.

The list goes on and on and on. I’m thinking about organizing a trail challenge event at Saddle Up for Pete’s competitive trail ride, the Knik River Ramble. Work? What’s that? And let’s not forget about Anatomy and Physiology – this is going to remain a constant in my life until May 2. It feels to me that I’m at the eighteen mile point of a marathon with this one. I have two papers to write before next Monday and a chapter that I need to study. I have two more tests and a lab final, and several extra credit assignments.

What matters here is how I deal. Internal Martial Arts class/Chi Gong takes a lot of time but this is time well spent because it makes me feel less anxious. This is because in doing this work I relax tension/holding patterns. And in releasing holding patterns I realign myself. And in realigning myself I end up expending less negative and more positive energy.

If I could, I’d go to class two times a day, morning and night. What I should do is start doing a home practice. This isn’t going to happen right now because I am still too anxious about time constraints. I just need to be patient with myself. Actually, I could start doing 15 minute a day sessions. This is very realistic – I like this idea. Eve thinking this way makes me feel less anxious.

I like it when I’m in class and I feel the tension dissipate. I just looked up and turned my head. I did this and my neck cracked. In this instance I came to the realization that starting a daily practice is a good idea and a distinct possibility.

A Postscript: I read the above to Jay and he suggested that I relieve tension by doing exercises for very brief periods of time, say five minutes or so. I am going to make a conscious effort to do this.

Next: 75.3/17/16: Up and Down

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