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March 2, 2016: A Conversation with Ranger and Rover

I had the following conversation with my two goats, Ranger and Rover, this evening, as I was cleaning their pen.

Alys: Good evening goats. It’s time to clean your pen.
Ranger: It’s about time.
Rover: Let me have at the chicken feed.
A: No, no, no Rover. Outside. (Alys gives Rover a push on the butt and he heads out the shed door).
Ranger: You’d think he’d know by now that the lid on the garbage can is on really tight.
Rover: I know everything.
Ranger: Apparently not.
A: Well, how are you two today?
Ranger: Just fine, now that the pen’s being cleaned.


A: I’m sorry I didn’t get to doing this sooner.
Ranger: You used to clean it every other day.
A: I know. And lately I’ve been cleaning it two times a week.
Rover: I don’t care. I still love you.
Ranger: He only loves you because you feed him.
A: Rover, did you hear that?
Rover: Ranger don’t know what love is.
Ranger: I do so.
Rover: Well then, what is it?
Ranger: I can’t put it into words.
Rover: See, I told you so.
Ranger: Told who, what?
Rover: Told Alys that you don’t know what love is.

Ranger rises onto two feet, comes down, and head butts Rover.

Rover: Enough. Let me eat in peace.
Ranger: All you ever think about is food.
Rover: What else is there to think about?
Ranger: The Dog
Rover: Oh yes. The Dog. Where is she?
A: In the house.
Ranger: That’s a good place for her.
Rover: Those eyes of hers give me the willies.
Ranger: I don’t particularly like her teeth. She has a nasty nip.
A: You two are both complaining about an old problem. Ryder now just sits on the porch, watching when I bring you from the yard back into the pen.
Rover: It’s impolite to stare.
Ranger: And it’s impolite to complain.
Rover: Just the facts, ma’am.
A: Ma’am? Who are you calling ma’am?
Rover: You. You ma’am.
Ranger: Me. Goat. Greatest Of All Time.
Rover: There he goes again. You’d think he’d just gotten a blue ribbon at the state fair.
Ranger: Not yet. But soon.
A: Ranger, don’t think you’d like being at the fair. You’d have to spend a few days in a small pen and be petted by the hoards.
Rover: You mean the Anchorage rug rats?
A: That’s right.
Rover: Bet I’d get fed popcorn.
Ranger: And cotton candy.
A: And turkey on a stick.
Rover: Hey Lady, how about you give us some of that chicken feed?
A: Nope. I don’t want you to get acidosis.
Rover: No matter. I live for the moment.
A: No, no, and no.

Ranger (to Rover): There’s no sense arguing with her. She’s the one with the thumbs.

Rover: And the rake.
Ranger: I guess not.
Rover: Look. The pen’s clean.
Ranger: What do you know, will wonders ever cease?
Alys: In you both go.
Ranger: Good night.
Rover: Good night. I love you.
Alys: Good night. I love you too, Rover.

Next: 61. 3/3/16: Being a Student, again

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