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April 22, 2016: Conflict Resolved

El and I resolved our conflict this morning, quickly and simply. She explained, and I understood, she is grieving. She just articulated it, that’s all. She says she’s also overwhelmed, which is why she can’t deal right now with date changes for the celebration of life event. I understand. A blip. Also, an indication of how we are both emotionally drained, especially her.

El’s life revolved around my mother’s life and vice-versa, which is evident in her home. My mother’s artwork is everywhere.

I don’t understand why the Elderplace staff doesn’t call here. Is it that once the death occurs, that their job is done? It really ought not be this way.

This sort of thing is only going to increase because there are now so many of us, being born and dying. If we want quality care, we need to do as Pope Francis has indicated, and stop breeding like rabbits. He’s the pope, so he didn’t say “fucking.” But really, we do need to stop breeding like fucking rabbits.

If I had the money, I’d have a facility built to my specifications, oh yes I would. It would have an extra room for family members to hang out in, and perhaps a game room. And I’d make sure my elderly friends had rooms of their own. And there would be resident nurses and doctors on hand – the best money might buy. Oh yeah and I’d have culinary geniuses on hand.

You never know. We shall see. For now, I need to focus on keeping myself in good mental and physical condition. I have fallen off the exercise wagon while here, but I hope soon to climb back on. I will do better at this once I get home. It’s lifestyle choices – and my being here isn’t conducive to staying physically fit.

I’m trying. Tonight I went for a walk—I go for a walk once a day. I went to a nearby park and watched a Little League game and spent some time in the dog park. I also took a nap today. I didn’t sleep last night, even though we went to bed late. We watched several videos. Took our minds off our troubles.

El and I also went back to the seafood restaurant and ordered the clam bucket, which we spilt. The wait staff was dismissive because this was all we ordered.

I am tired, and hope to sleep well tonight. The constant refrain in my head is that I want to go home, now.

Next: 106. 4/23/16: Memory, Memoir, Memorabilia, and Mother

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