I generally lead a simple and uncomplicated life with few major problems. Seems like lately I’ve hit a rough patch. Today I hung out at Eleanor’s place. I went for a walk, went to the hardware store to get her a garden hose. And I went to the library to get some books and a video for this evening.
I was listless. I had not yet come up with a routine. I do feel bad about my mother’s death, but bottom line, she and I were not close. In the end though, we forgave one another for past transgressions and parted on good terms. For this I am grateful.
El and mother were as close as two people could ever be – and I wasn’t in on this. El is in the throes of grief – this is hard on me because there is nothing I can do for her. She’s put herself in charge of letting people know about mother’s death. Many have said that they want a get together – I guess a form of closure. I got this in the nursing home – yes I did.
Tonight El said that she wanted this gathering to be on May 28, that is mother’s day. I said I didn’t know if I might be able to make it because I’ll be in California. I then went and pulled out my wallet calendar and confirmed this. El’s expression indicated that she was unhappy about this.
I do not want to be here for this because I don’t want to have to deal with those who will be here. This is hard to explain. There are a few who are past acquaintances and I don’t want to go back with them down memory lane. And others were not friends of mine, but friends of Eleanor and my mother.
It is going to be a tense day around here tomorrow – for sure.
Pete’s now in California, visiting his family, so I can’t head home right now, even if I could afford a ticket.
This right now, is what I’d most like to do. So I will, on my own, find things to do in Portland. Tomorrow I’ll go for a ride on Wanda and perhaps go to the bookstore.
Unreal, what El and I both have been through this past month. But I must say, though stressed, I have not lost my temper or said anything mean or spiteful to Eleanor. Maybe, just maybe I am finally at a point in my life where I can let things blow over me – perhaps it is best to just regard them as a cooling breeze. Yes, this is a good way of looking at the given situation.