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April 16, 2015: Dressage Diva

I enjoy shopping with people who are good at it. It’s a waste of time, shopping with people who are bad at it. Pete and I don’t clothes shop well together. He is good at finding what he needs because shopping is very cut and dry for him. Shirts, pants, shoes, underwear – there it all is, easy to access. Women, it’s a whole different matter.

With Pete and me, it’s a contest in which we attempt to outdo one another in finding the most ridiculous clothing item. This is fun, but counter-productive in terms of getting the job done. Inevitably, I end up empty handed, and pissed

because I have again wasted my limited valuable time.

I have learned that it’s not enough to say to someone “let’s go shopping.” In order for me to walk out of a store with my hands full, I need to know exactly what is I am looking for, and to convey this to others. I’m as useless as tits on a bull in giving others an assist, so someone else giving me an assist is an exercise in altruism. Most people reside in their own heads, so finding someone who can help me out is near-impossible.

Amazingly, or maybe not so amazingly, Pam and I are shopping compatible. Together, in the past few days, we’ve hit several thrift stores, and I did not walk away empty handed.

What I needed evolved in the process of walking out the first thrift store. Always, I first veer in the direction of the book area. Always. I never waver. I stand in front of the books, turn sideways, and then cock my head to left. Then I move forward, moving my eyes first along one shelf, then the next. I feel very much at home in this area of the store, or in book stores in general. This time around, I found a book on the subject of horse lameness. It’s way out of date, but this is of little consequence. A photo of an x-ray is a photo of an x-ray. Such things are timeless.

Pam and I then moved on to the shoe and boots section. In seconds, Pam located a pair of tall black riding boots that appeared to be close to my size. I put them on, or tried to. They didn’t fit. I was sorely disappointed. She then located a second pair. This pair also didn’t fit. I was by now even more disappointed. Palm remarked that her having found two pairs of riding boots was pretty amazing. Then, lo and behold, she located a third pair.

This pair had zippers in the back, and looked a tad bit larger than the other two pairs. A good sign, I thought. I held my breath as I slipped them on my feet and pulled up the zippers. They fit. I was elated. $25.00 for a pair of English riding boots. Who would have thunk it?

The theme of our subsequent and ongoing thrift store venture became “dressing the dressage diva.” To this end, Palm found me several nice fleece vests. (I explained that I already had the riding pants.) And, as an aside, she found me several nice sweaters.

I was really pleased at the conclusion of our shopping spree. I realized that one of the things that I need (badly) in life is a fashion consultant, which is someone like Pam who is adept at outfitting people.

100. 4/17/15: Thelma and Louise Reincarnated

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