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January 21, 2015: A Lot to Think About

I have come to realize that no one is ever going to push doors open for me. I must instead step up to them, and with my very own hands, turn the knob and give each and every one a firm push. There has always been that likelihood that someone might intervene and push a door open for me. However, this has not remained a likelihood. I can’t of late recall that anyone has ever done this.

What I’m now discovering is that pushing open my own goddamn doors is not as difficult as I’ve made it out to be. All it takes is for me to overcome the inertia of my spirit.

I thought about this and more today, while out on the trail. I headed out with Tinni to Grizzly camp early this afternoon. I’d originally planned to go a ways then go back and do the same ride with Raudi. But I wanted to see what condition the trail was in, and felt most comfortable doing this on Tinni. This is why I kept going.

Tinni ambled along, and at one point he tested me, raising his head high as if to say “I sense danger. We need to head back now.” I used to do as he indicated, which is when I was a less confident rider. Now I look ahead, squeeze on him with my legs, and urge him to keep going. Today I made him keep going, then after a bit I got off and walked a ways. When finally I got back on him, he picked up the pace because he knew that we were heading in the direction of home.

Anyhow, I got much-needed time to think while out on the trail. I’m nearly done with If Wishes were Horses – I just need to rewrite the afterword. I have a sense of what I want – right now I’m letting my subconscious work on this a bit. I’ve learned to depend on it – and it always comes through for me. I do not know if my conscious says to my subconscious “here, give me hand with this.” But I think that my subconscious does this if my conscious gives it specific orders, such as “work on the afterword.”

My thoughts on this matter allude to the importance of writing every day. This way, there is continuity – and the subconscious needs this in order to get its job done.

I will in the next few days revise my proposal and then try and find a publisher for it. I will need to put both feet on the doorstep, take a deep breath, turn the knob, and then push hard. No problem. I can do this.

I learned today that the California centered riding instructor clinic will be taking place in April and May. Both clinics are in the same place. I talked briefly with Pete (he was at school) and he immediately went on-line and began looking up airfare prices. We have accumulated air miles, so doing this clinic now looms as distinct possibility. I just need to come up with a schedule because I have places to go and people to see.

Very exciting. I feel like this is now the right thing to do. The centered riding instruction will complement my agility and TTeam training. I might actually end up instructing returning riders this summer. Unreal. But this will only happen if I continue to push doors open.

Right now I’m feeling like I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

Next: 22. 1/22/15: Another day on the Trails

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